There were no rules given to me when my mother passed away. In one way, I was just tossed into life and expected to adapt without asking any questions. If I asked questions I was turned away or shut out because no one had the answers.

Even now no one knows how to respond to me...

I will confess that I am tired of fighting. I'm tired of smiling all the time. I'm tired of pretending…

When my mother passed I hid inside of myself. I wrote endless short stories, novels. I have several poetry books. My grandmother and aunt have done a good job raising me, but there is nothing like having the comfort of your own mother. A woman that knows every part of you. A woman that will always count you first. I was my mother first born. I have a younger sister but she was too little to remember our mother much. I have tried to keep our mothers image in her head as much as…