I miss you more and more everyday, my broken heart bleeds each day. im trying so hard to understand, but its to hard, I try to smile when I think of you every min of the day but my tears  fall so fast. I know you are here watching over me , protecting me when we were robbed, holding me when I cry so hard and for so long, I still pray every night to go with you, hold you in my arms. there is no life without you, theres no love left in my heart, just emptiness, im one day closer to you but not…

today I was told im cronicley depressed, I now have 2 different grieving councelers, from 2 different places. I pray they can help me  even just a little. I cant remember a day when I was not crying all day and night. still that unbearable pain, still so lonely, empty, everyday I fight not to take my life, but I don't know why, to hold my son, to hear mom I love you, to see his beautiful smile and his voice  again that's all I want.im so sorry I have not been on to try to help others in…

its been so long since I held my son, heard his voice. its all like yesterday for me. the unbearable pain still here. I keep telling my self he will come home, back to me. I cry all the time, waiting begging him to come back. its all my fault, I should have been harder on him, to take better care of his self. I pray to go with him everyday. waiting for him to take my hand. I cant go on without my shawn, im so tired, lonely, and still so  empty. please god hear my crys, take me to please