Today, folding clean towels I realized I have stopped using one of my coping strategies.  After my son died I started carrying a facecloth in a sandwich bag in my purse.  When I would have a meltdown out in public I could go into any bathroom and sob into the facecloth.  If I wet it with cold water I could cover my face with it and it helped me calm down.  Then I could wash the mess off my face, soothe my eyes and tidy up before facing anyone again.  I never left home without that…

Going through pictures for the first time since last July when I had to pick pictures for my husbands memorial.  This time it is to find those pictures of my husband with his kids to give to them on Fathers day.  How can something that used to give me so much pleasure now cause such a gut wrenching ache in my chest that I cant take a breath?  My heart really truly aches!!!!  Maybe this was not such a good idea afterall.