I dont remember any of my grandparents.  My dad died when I was 9.  He had been sick as long as I can remember.  I still had my mom and older brothers and sisters who took care of me.  I missed my dad, I still miss my dad and wish I had known him better.  Then when I was in my late 20s my mom died.  She had been my only parent for so long I was soo not ready to let her go.  But she did.  If I hadnt had my husband for support Im not sure how I would have gotten through that time in my life.  I couldnt work, or take care of our children so he did it without a word of complaint.  Eventually I was able to function again.  When our son died in 2010 we held ourselves up.  If I was having a particularly hard day my husband took care of things, and when he couldnt deal I was there for him.  It was a perfect partnership.  It was definitely the hardest thing I had ever done.  Nothing prepares you to see your child whether they are 1 or 40, in a casket.  But it made it possible because I wasnt doing it alone.  Now that partnership is gone.  I cant cry on my childrens shoulder, I cant keep falling apart with them on the phone or in person because Im their mom.  My job is to hold them up, not the other way around.  They are having their own problems dealing with loosing a brother and their dad in such a short time so I put on the false face of being ok most of the time.  All lose, all different, all changed my life.  I hate how hard it is and then I think about the alternative.  The only way to avoid this pain would be to have never loved, never had these important people in my life.  I do not choose that!!!!  I sure wish I had someone I could lean on right now though!