Tonight was the 33rd anniversary of my husband proposing to me.  He is gone now and I dont think anyone but me knew the significance.  Quite a few people knew it would be a hard day for me just because he is gone even though they didnt know exactly how hard and they tried to include me in some celebration or another.  I turned down dinner with a daughter-in-law and grandchildren.  I turned down another daughter-in-laws offer to buy me lunch.  I turned down an online invite by a very close niece/best friend to go with her family to a pub for dinner and drinks.  Then after work she called me in person to try and coax me into going.  By then I had been crying on and off all day remembering the good times, craving more, missing my one and only love more than ever.  So I broke down and cried on the phone.  This is what this niece posted later, after dinner ,,,,,,

"sure missed you tonight, sorry we upset you with the invite to join us all, It was a very nice dinner, and everyone there would have loved you to have come, we all miss him too! love ya...hugs xoxox"

Since commenting to her would hurt her feelings for no reason, but maybe putting it into words here might release some of the pressure in my chest, here is what i wish I could say without worry that it would hurt her more than help me........

You did not upset me with the invite to join you.  I have been upset all day.  Thats why I didnt answer your call the first or second time you tried my number.  I did say on the post that I would not be joining you tonight.  I do not really want to be surrounded by you and your husband, your sister and her husband, not to mention all the others in the bar who have their arms around someone they love and still have!  No, you did not upset me.  The love of my life dying and not being here on this OUR special private day upsets me.

You miss him too?  Really?  Do you cry yourself to sleep every night because he isnt there and if you fall asleep in the bed alone do you wake up crying because you had a dream you were with him but woke up to the reality he is gone?  Have you bought 6 new pillows trying to find one that will take the place of his arm under your head and feel "right"? and still have a stiff neck more mornings than not because nothing takes the place of that shoulder?  Do you crave his presence with a pain so sharp it takes your breath away?  No you dont.  So dont say to me "we miss him TOO" because you have no friggin idea!!!!!!