the emptiness is taking over, a few weeks ago I tried to take my own life to be with my son, I wished it had worked. I need to hold him, see his face again. to go on without him, no I cant any more.  theres nothing left without shawn,  this loneliness is unbearable,  no one can help me any more, I just need to be with him, that's all I want. forgive me shawn, ill be with you soon, I promise,  love always and forever   mom

all I do is cry, I keep telling my self  my son will come home, I miss him so much the love of my life. theres no way to go on, to live with out him, I feel so empty, broken and so weak.  my prayers are not heard, not answered,  no one hears my pain, hears me. let me go with shawn, let me be with my son.

its so hard everyday to get up, I feel like the walking dead. I cant think any more, I don't dream, I just cry. my dr says the drepression is getting worse, I don't care, I just want to go with my son, this hell I live in  is killing me, I just want to go. to be happy with my shawn, everyone says you got the memories, well im saying I don't want them, I want my baby, I want to see his smile, his laugh, to hug him, kiss him, to hear his voice.  I pray to die,  to be this broken in side, this…