this pain is so unreal, I keep waiting for my beautiful son shawn to come home, to phone me. its been so long since I heard his voice. god im so dead inside, full of hate and empty. why wont he tell me hes ok, happy, and with me everyday?  why wont he come back to me why? I pray everyday to die, why wont he talk me to shawn, why does he make me suffer so bad?my tears never stop, but my life is over,oh please give me my baby back,if theres a god  take me to him please   

 this pain will never end, I cry so much, I hurt so bad. I told my husband tonight to let me go. I just cant keep hurting so much.  I want to be with my son, and I know shawn needs me to. all these pills im on do nothing,  my life is just tears, pain, sadness. im ready to go, I want to go.  dear god let me be with my son, stop this hell I live in please. im so lonely please