I recently got married to my fiancee of 2 years....about 2 weeks ago or so now...and it was a very lovely wedding, my mother was there which made me very happy, but the whole time I wished my dad was there to see me and give me away. I like to feel like he was. I love you papa. <3

It's been quite awhile since I posted anything or even came to this site. I guess it reminded me too much of my father and the grief and sadness here was too much to bear. I've been keeping busy with home stuff, even tho I still think about my dad every day. I have quite a few pictures of him up in my bedroom, along with things he bought me for my birthday, etc. Every once in awhile strange things will happen in my bedroom...the light will flicker continusly or the tv will go off, my whole…

I read everyones posts on here, and alot of people are just wraught with pain and sadness months, years after their loved one passes. I find for me, that my sadness comes and goes in spurts. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I think about my father often...but only when I see pictures or think of his upcoming death anniversary is when I cry...as I write this I have tears streaming down my face because I just happened to look at his picture on my facebook. I guess in a…

I havent been coming here very often as of late.

I've been immersing myself in my online game that I've played for years more and more ..especially now since an expansion just came out. It's easier not to think about anything in real life when theres many things to focus on there.

It makes me feel numb. I like numb.

I still think of my father every day it seems, he passes thru my thoughts, but I havent cried in a week or so. 

Today I…

Well I have had a few allright days...had a bad night the other night, couldnt sleep at all, but wasnt sad, or crying. Just couldnt turn my brain off. Today I'm listening to music, and going thru pictures...a song came on that made me think of my father, and here starts the waterworks. This sucks. Ill post the song lyrics for you...the song is Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park.

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one…

Well 2 Fridays ago I learned of my father's passing after almost a year of not being contacted by any of his family and that was a blow to my heart, I cried and cried for about a week straight, and just started to feel like I was getting back to some normalcy here a few days ago....started being able to sleep through the night again without waking up to strange sounds or depressing dreams...and now yesterday my beloved dog of 11 years passed away....crying again all day on and off,  laying…

That is when it hurts the most. When I have a full house, kids, fiancee, mother in law, its easier to block it out. But here I am sitting here in an empty house (kids are sleeping -fiancee and his mom went out for some time together) listening to sad sappy music and crying. I hate this.

The title says it all. I need to get out of this funk I've been in. Its been a week since I found out...when does it start getting easier? Everything has been suffering. I'm a stay at home mom. My relationship with my fiancee has been suffering. My housework has been suffering. This house looks a mess right now. My fiancee wants to spend time with me and I've just been sleeping nonstop. He understands so he doesnt press the issue, but I don't want my life to suffer because of this. I want to…

Mine and my father's relationship was always about ups and downs. When I was growing up, I remember him to be a loving and caring person, always there when I needed him. He would spend hours braiding my hair, or if I had to have a special school project done he would help me with it. I remember motorcycle rides on the back of his Goldwing to Catholic school (Oh the looks we would get, but I loved it) and I was daddy's little girl.

Somewhere along the line I started to grow up...and…