this last year has been a roller coaster of emotions of every kind

My mother has had a few health problems…

A note fell out onto the carpet today, and it was left behind by my mother, it reads, “when we focus all our time on grief, we lost out on our present and our future; instead of dwelling on what we are losing, focus on what we still have” I felt like I was receiving a sign from my mother that I should not dwell in my grief at all times. It makes sense my mother wrote it, because she lived her life fully till the end.

Being diagnosed with stage four cancer did not subvert my…

My identity is intertwined with being a good daughter to my mother because she sacrificed  everything to me  and her selflessness  is what motivated to go  on living. My mother was an immigrant  who left her family and her  role as a housewife  to come to Canada and provide a better future for her children. After the divorce, she worked harder than anyone else I know in order  to provide a life for myself and my brother.  She had  no choice but to be strong and determined  without a husband…

Mommy! 

Happy Mothers' Day. I miss you so much today. The sadness I am feeling lately has even taken over me physically. I find it difficult to eat, sleep, and socialize. I really just wanna break down and cry today but for some reason I just won't let myself. I don't wanna feel helpless and in pain. So I have been trying to escape my emotions with drinking and smoking. I know you wouldn't be happy about this. You must be very…

On Thanksgiving of this year, I called my Mom excitedly to ask how to season my first Thanksgiving Turkey. This was my daughter's first Thanksgiving and I was floating on Cloud Nine. I was also nine months pregnant with my youngest daughter. I spoke to her for a little while. The plan was to eat our dinner and then head up to her house for dessert. I got off the phone when my 10 month old started to throw a temper tantrum and promised her I'd call her back. "You better!" She said before she…

I don't really know where to head from here or if this will work for me. But I have to try. The loss of my Mother becomes so grate that weather i'm just relaxing or at work I drift back to it. I really don't know what triggers it but I drift back....to when she was alive and I had to take care of her. The Cancer ate away at her so quickly this time...I felt like when she wasn't sleeping she was always in pain. We had to give her medication every couple of hours...We would sometimes even have…