Mommy! 

Happy Mothers' Day. I miss you so much today. The sadness I am feeling lately has even taken over me physically. I find it difficult to eat, sleep, and socialize. I really just wanna break down and cry today but for some reason I just won't let myself. I don't wanna feel helpless and in pain. So I have been trying to escape my emotions with drinking and smoking. I know you wouldn't be happy about this. You must be very disappointed. But please understand that it is SO difficult coping with your passing. I will change... once May & June are over. May is Mothers' Day, and June is not only your birthday but also your death anniversary. I hate this time of year... and to think that it hasn't even been a whole two years yet?! It kills me. Because it seems like it has been so much longer since I have seen your face and your smile. It seems so long since I have heard your voice, your laugh, and your words of encouragement. You don't know just how much this hurts me. The pain is AGONIZING. I just want to see you again. I just want to hug you, talk to you, and tell you all the things I never got to say. 

I love you, Mama. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made for your children. You put aside your dreams for our well-being. 

I also want to apologize for how I treated you. Sometimes I didn't appreciate the gift of having a mother. We clashed a lot, and I wish we hadn't. I disrespected you a lot. I wish I hadn't. Please accept my sincerest apologies. And please forgive me for not being in town to lay flowers for you. I am all the way in Florida now, Mommy, and you are in Virginia. But I WILL be back to see you, I promise. I can't promise a certain day because I have already let you down by doing so. 

I think about you every day, and every day I wish I had done things differently. 

Happy Mothers' Day to you, the strongest woman I will ever know. 

Love, 

Clara Elsie