It has been 8 months since I have talked to my person. I have 1 year and 5 months to go until I can talk to her again. I miss her everyday. I am terrified that she will forget me until then. I do not know what to do if she forgets me. I talked to her everyday for over a year, she was there and she saved my life. I miss her so much.

I began writing one of these each day, beginning December 2015 to ease my grief and start each day with some hope and joy. The hope and joy would last for awhile and then I would be back in the throes of deep, dark misery. I recommend these emails that are never sent as excellent therapy. I have written 602 of them in the 2 and  a half years since I lost my Nancy. Here is today's letter to Nancy. 

Letter to My Nancy …

I attended the first in 13 sessions tonight with a group of people from all walks of life. The meeting was very therapeutic. Of course when they had us introduce ourselves and talk about our losses, I broke down when I talked about losing my mom three days after Mother's Day. But it felt good to be part of a group where others understand your feelings and the trauma that you experienced. There were quite a few tears shed among the group but I'm happy that I was able to find a group close to…

Safe to assume the deffenses go down with the spirits. But in all fairness I´ve been sick for a while since I had the back surgeries, and it´s sometimes hard to separe effects from feeling ups and downs to the food and habits healthy and unhealthy. Added to that the idea that I will be ok and doctors don´t seem to  do much more for me these days. Neverhteless, some times I go to fix one thing and the medication side effects harm in some ways or the pain meds have caused me to faint and break…

As i am moving on to making my way back to work these days, seems I have to avoid the MENTAL state whereas the mind goes into some FROZEN state whereas I am unabe to move on in a healthy manner. See once we decided to leave that state of mind whereas the self pitty pot is full and the gun of frustration pointed at self, justified hurting or not that keeps me back to a state of NON ACTION or POOR REACTION, where self blame mixes with the stan still place....well, times changed. I realize I…

I consider myself spiritual and not much in favour of organized religion. But lately I thought that could perhaps help to bring some peace or have some positive impact, So for the last  weeks I have been going once a week to this evangelic church witch I quite enjoy the visits. In the beggining was some help to put more peace in my heart and feel better. And that had a positive impact however I needed that new boost the next week or things would feel heavier somehow. Some weekes later I…

Hi Everyone,

My name is Carlyn, and I live in the Ft. Lauderdale area. I joined this site because a very dear friend of mine was killed in a hit-and-run accident in May. My friend Rick, whom I called my "little brother" was on his bicycle in Back Bay Boston around 2am when a drunk driver rear ended him, sent him airborne, and then dragged him down the street while trying to flee. My friend died a day later. He was only 29. Rick was a kind, smart, funny man. He made people…

I have been threw much and people who I thought be there all have gone but a few how are you doing. Its like they do not want a answer. Its me I am always so strong is there excuse. I am alone and her mostly side of the family is gone and only been 2 months. Yet was told I made my wife so happy from what she came from her last marriage. They never saw her so happy. I am so angry at issues that are going on and there petty and one is wrong. I sleep more and I just miss her. I have lost my…

Hello -My name is Karen.  I lost my only son at 22 years of age in a car accident in March of this year. I am doing "okay" considering.  I have strong bouts of intense grief on and off and of course I miss and long for him daily. It really just SUCKS! I have surrounded my self with a support group and a Psychotherapist.  I have also started to explore my Spirituality and looking for unanswered to questions to my existence and purpose.  I welcome anyone that would like to share their…

Is It Wrong to Grieve?

Have you ever had a brief bout with illness? Perhaps you recovered so quickly that you have practically forgotten the episode. Well, grief is not like that. “There is no such thing as ‘getting over’ grief,” writes Dr. Alan Wolfelt in his book Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart. However, he adds: “Over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften.”…

I lost my Mom on July 25th of this year(2017) 6 years after my Dad. I don't understand why I cant cry, I mean I know its a complicated process when things don't go as planned. My Mom spent some much time in and out of the hospital the last 15 years; every time was "the time" but then she would rally and be shopping days later. I admit I thought she would live forever, or at least longer than me so I never really saw this day coming. Still I…

now guilt is in me 

fealin bad ovr bad thns lst 5 yrs or so nw moms dem/azl now guilt is beatin me up in sid is coz ovr loss of dad why u i cud not stp it frm hapinin u cud say