“We are hard-pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement; we are perplexed, but not absolutely with no way out.”—2 CORINTHIANS 4:8.

Our daughter Samantha died on May 6, 2018.  She was a healthy, vibrant 29 year old woman.  She was hitting stride with her career and loving her independence.   She fractured her ankle on April 13th.  Autopsy showed that she had a massive pulmonary embolism as a result of blood clots from the fracture.  

We are broken.  My husband and I recently retired and live 3 provinces away.  Our son, Danny and Samantha shared a house together.   Danny found Sam in her bedroom, gone.  

How…

Came across this quotation, attributed to Kafka:

     "The meaning of life is that it stops."

  Just noticed it by chance, and not sure if the attribution is accurate.  For some reason it has really grabbed my attention -- many hours have passed, but I keep turning it over in my mind.  

Today it has been 4 weeks since my younger brother commited suicide and it still feels like it was today when my dad called me at work to tell me he was gone... I wake uo everyday thinking it was a dream and he's still here, but then I see his picture and I cry, realizing it wasnt a dream and that he really is gone. I just miss him so much, the pain is unbearable... I dream of going to his funeral over and over and me crying when I saw his peaceful face in the casket when i got to say…

I lost my mother on 9/6/15 then eight days later on 9/14/15 I lost my husband and 2 1/2 years later I am so lost the heartache is more unbearable every day and I feel like I have been in this horrific nightmare and I can’t wake up I have never felt so much pain ever in my life people keep telling me in time you will be ok but honestly I know that’s not true I know im just existing I stopped living when my whole world turned upside down I don’t know how to keep going I just pretend every day…

WHEN I have a bout of depression,” says Anna,  “I have no motivation to do anything, not even the things I usually love to do. All I want to do is sleep. I often feel that I am unlovable, worthless, and a burden to others.”

“I thought about suicide,” recalls Julia. “I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted to stop feeling this way. I’m normally a caring person, but when I’m depressed, I care little about anyone or anything.”…

The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.

What God gives to help the depressed

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check…

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned

With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is…

I am experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.  Some days I cry a lot, others not much.  I get upset when I don’t cry.  I feel as if I should be crying all day every day because the thing I feared the most my whole life happened.  How have I not had ten heart attacks by now?  Some days I have bad flashbacks of the hospital.  Other days I feel like I can’t process what happened.  Is my mind blocking what happened to protect me from the pain?  Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.  Am I…

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on occasion. When friends talk about their adult daughters it brings to light the realization that I once had that and I don't anymore and the tears come. I guess when I'm not reminded,I want to still think she is here,only a phone call away. Already many things have changed, we used to talk on the…

I feel that a part of me is missing and I don't know what it is. I lost my only daughter to cancer 2 months ago,she was my best friend,she moved to FL with her husband and children but we talked on the phone every Mon. and Thurs. for hours. Before her passing,I was happy and didn't let things bother me,but now it seems like everything  bothers me especially the little things,and I have to force myself to be happy.

They say time will heal the pain but I don't think that will ever happen. I am extremely torn to pieces over the death of my daddy. The pain and random outbursts of sadness is overwhelming. My dad was still young and we still had so much more life planned. I'm so angry of why my daddy had to leave so suddenly and without any warning. It's almost as if its not real. It doesn't feel real and I just want to see him again.

I'm a daddys girl. Everything I did in life I did knowing…

to all of who have suffered the loss of a spouse,

we have had to endure endless days and nights of immeasurable pain.  A pain that is indescribable to all but to those who are experiencing it.  A chasm so deep that there isn't anything that can fill the void left.

I have times. like I had from November through January, where the pain was so gut wrenching, so unbelievably torturous that I couldnt walk, talk eat or sleep for days at a time.  For this fifth year anniversary it was…

On February 18,2018 my daughter passed away from cancer. She had been battling it for 5 yrs.and today its been one month that she took her last breath.It still doesn't seem real, I miss her every day, she lived in FL  with her children,grandchildren,and husband,we talked on the phone every Mon. & Thurs.for hours (she was my best friend). I flew down to FL when they  brought her to Hospice,as there was nothing more they could do for her,but to make her comfortable and I sat with her,as…

    8 days 7 hours and 25 minutes ago I held my daughter as they turned off the machines and she slipped away. It's kind of a blur after that. Organ donations, funeral arraignments, getting her stuff from her apartment, people calling and coming by. So many people saying "if you need anything, just call." But what can they do, really? So much sadness and anger. Through all of it, I keep getting flashes of her face and body as they brought her out of the apartment. I knew when I saw her, blue…

When does the pain and regret of all the things I coulda done and shoulda said go away? Why do I have to think of it literally every waking moment and even as soon as i wake up in the middle of the night simply because i have to pee and dream about it when I'm actually able to sleep. We were seperated for almost 2 years before he was killed so why does it hurt so bad now that he's gone? Why?.... because he was my best friend, because we still talked. All day. Every…

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…