I havent been coming here very often as of late.

I've been immersing myself in my online game that I've played for years more and more ..especially now since an expansion just came out. It's easier not to think about anything in real life when theres many things to focus on there.

It makes me feel numb. I like numb.

I still think of my father every day it seems, he passes thru my thoughts, but I havent cried in a week or so. 

Today I…

Well I have had a few allright days...had a bad night the other night, couldnt sleep at all, but wasnt sad, or crying. Just couldnt turn my brain off. Today I'm listening to music, and going thru pictures...a song came on that made me think of my father, and here starts the waterworks. This sucks. Ill post the song lyrics for you...the song is Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park.

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one…

Well 2 Fridays ago I learned of my father's passing after almost a year of not being contacted by any of his family and that was a blow to my heart, I cried and cried for about a week straight, and just started to feel like I was getting back to some normalcy here a few days ago....started being able to sleep through the night again without waking up to strange sounds or depressing dreams...and now yesterday my beloved dog of 11 years passed away....crying again all day on and off,  laying…

That is when it hurts the most. When I have a full house, kids, fiancee, mother in law, its easier to block it out. But here I am sitting here in an empty house (kids are sleeping -fiancee and his mom went out for some time together) listening to sad sappy music and crying. I hate this.