One of the things that'd bothered me a fair amount in the last while was hearing people say, "you're so strong!"  They seem surprised that I'm still getting up in the morning, going to work, getting my bills (eventually) paid, and so on.  The initial reaction was always wanting to scream back, 'Are you NUTS???  Do you have any idea what this all FEELS like?  How in the Hell can you think I'm strong when I'm still so hurt and confused and lost so much of the time?!!"  I certainly don't feel…

I got some good news today at work:  I got a raise.  It's a decent amount more, and will go quite a ways to alleviate some of the stress I've had about money in the last few months since Ariel killed herself.  I still don't know if it's enough to let me hang on to the house, but at least it means I don't have to rush quite so much to get out of here.  That's good news.

What was strange was that when I saw it, there wasn't the upwelling of happiness or joy I'd have expected. …