Sittin  in church  today  and  sing  some songs  in church that reminds    me   of my  mother  and   made me  cry today  oh  how  do i miss   her  so .  i think  the  reason  why  is  because  i  sat in the  same spot   like  i normaly do  when  she  was  here  with me ,  so  deeply  i  know she  was   with  me   in  spirt  and  i  she  is  in  a  better place   too.  I  miss   her   and  Love  you  Momma.

Go home tonight ,pour myself a drink (vodka) watch some TV go online and go to sleep. Tommorow I go with my stepson to a buddist temple (hes american but honoring his mother thru a buddist cermony) we go 7 sundays in a row. Buddist cermonies are tedious(no disrepect) I like a lot that goes on thou.

I need to plant some trees she got . hang some of her clothes in the closet shoes by the door.I was thinking I would toss everyhting or give to goodwill(which I will )but you know…

Its like you have to keep going and going and going. There is no stopping no time for meditation,no time to be alone collect your thoughts.What a horrible thing for me to see my wife die because I said pull the breahting tube out. In your mind the doctors and nurses are lying about her condition.I really should be punished ,would that be more misery. I stuck by this woman who really at times ran be through the bowels of hell. Oh I craved the good times as they were .I never had structure…

I hope this is okay to share. My husband sent me this text message and it still brings me to tears, I feel so fortunate to have had someone love me like that, but my heart is broken:

"thank you for being the most giving person I've ever known, I don't deserve you but grateful beyond words"

He sent that to me at work when he was sick.

 today started like a normal day,did some errands,banking,got my haircut,went to get an eye exam,did the grocery shopping,went to the pet store.Things that were always a 2 person job in our household,I did alone.the hair dresser said Vince you lost a lot of weight you feeling ok.Well I lost 20 lbs but I'm still 5 9 and weigh 215.I wish I had someone around to talk to about looking bad.Putting the groceries away to feeding the birds was a 2 person job in our house.Cooking dinner and…

My soulmate passed away 2 1/2 weeks ago. It was a sudden, unexpected, horrible accident. The instant we met we both felt this intense, electrifying..gravitational force pulling us together. It was like time and sound stopped and all we could do was look into the depths of eachother's souls. We discussed it and both felt it. Due to many different circumstances, mainly our distance, we were only able to be together on occasion and thus didn't declared ourselves a "couple." We shared a very…