Writing things down in this blog has helped me.  It helps to get things out, whether you go to therapy, or just write.  Here, I say things I'd never really say to anyone.  I never told Sue's sisters about the night she went into the hospital, mainly because I don't think I could get through it.  I've told them enough without getting into details no one has asked for.  Maybe, at some point, I will want to try therapy, but not right now.  It's been a long 3 months....I had to go through…

One thing that I know now is what I've lost. Not my loss.... my wife....but all the things she gave me that I no longer have.  First is her love.  The most awesome, incredible, unbelievable love I've ever known.  A dream come true if there's ever been one.  I don't know what I did to deserve her.  She was always there for me.  When my ex decided she couldn't handle our son, Sue didn't blink.  Of course he could live with us.  Sue wanted him, no questions asked, no…

One of the most frustrating things for me is the way grief comes and goes.  There are times where I'm not wanting to do anything but miss Sue, and then there are times when I can string a few days in a row where I'm feeling a bit better about things, and I'm actually productive...well, maybe not as focused as I should be, but productive none the less.  I just hate the way it's just so random.... I never know when I wake up if my grief will overtake me or not.  I have no control over it yet,…