Hey Brenda Ann, thank you so much for your support and kind words of encouragement. I am sorry to also hear of your loss. I never thought I would come to know a pain such as this. It's like I will forever be broken...........sending hugs.

thankyou for your warm welcome.it is hard to talk about with people in real life.it creates such a stigma,and i know people have sympathy,but i think telling them about the tragedy makes things awkward.thanks again.

thankyou,i wish i lived closer too.i am so isolated here.i have always wanted to scuba dive.it sounds like so much fun,and so beautifull.i hope u have fun on your trip!hope to hear from u soon:)

Dear Brenda

As always thank you for your kind words. As those around us go on with their lives, as they should, a word of encouragement and understanding from those here really does help. Yes he was a good man. Both of our parents made it to their 50th anniversary and I just assumed we would also. For the 42 years I had, I am grateful as some never have that. Hope you are well and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, Barbara

Dear Brenda I would love to be friends. Cant wait to talk. my e-mail is musicma10981@hotmail.com write anytime.

Hi.  You sent me a friend request a while ago.  I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you.  I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm not as computer saavy as I should be, and I did not see your request until tonight - and I'll probably mess us a few times along the way as I try to figure out how to send messages directly to you as a friend, so please be patient with me.  If you ever get really tired of waiting on me cuz I'm being computer ignorant over here, you can send me an email at rksharp@dohickey.net.  It may take me a while to catch on.  Thanks,

i hope you are ok im still hurting coz me and my dad wer very close i never ever want to go throo this ever agane my mum is hurting as well and our cat is still looking around the house for him he loved pets all the pets people we vist wood go to him

Thank you Brenda for your support. It is comforting to have someone that understands. I miss my Mom every single minute of every single day. I wish I could hug her and tell her I love her one more time. God Bless You!

hope you r ok took mum out yestaday coz she woz geting so depresset worinf abot evry thing from big sis and big bro and me and her own sis and bro shes like my dad a heart of gold kind and carein

Hi Brenda Ann,

yes..thank you for the friend request. I just joined this group after feeling so lost and alone. My prayers are with you and I am so sorry to hear about your brother. My heart is full of grief and compassion for those who are going through this most difficult time. Big hug

Thank you so much Brenda...My mom had a lingering illness the last couple of years, she developed an auto immune disorder which kept her on steroids and immunosuppressants for the last two years...She developed complications last July just when they were weaning her off the steroids, little did we know the dangers of that...From the time she was diagnosed to have acquired meningitis from a rare bacteria, she was gone in a matter of days...The bacteria has spread through her blood which led to sepsis..It all happened so fast, just when we thought she was getting better, her body was too weak to fight...I feel so lost and still find it hard to accept that my mom is gone...I appreciate your kind words and offer of prayers..I pray that you find the strength as well to deal with the losses suffered by your family. May God always bless you!!

Thank you Brenda Ann

Brenda in one of your posts you ask what you could tell your sister in law that has recently lost her husband.  If you live close enough to follow through on offers of help then this is what I needed in those first few months. 

As often as you can call the night before and tell her you are bringing over muffins, fruit, whatever she might be tempted to eat, the next morning at 9am.  Then go.  It is so hard to eat alone!!  and eating breakfast might be the easiest meal to tolerate if her stomach has been rebelling.  This can apply to any meal actually.  You have no idea how long a week can be when you are hurting and alone.

Offering to help is great, but follow through with specific times, dates, missions.  For example, call and say Im going to the grocery store thisafternoon, do you want to come with me?  When she says no, ask if you can pick anything up for her.  When she says no, pick up the basics anyway, bread, milk, her favorite snack, a package of meat, some fresh fruit and veggies.  If she doesnt eat it she can freeze it but chances are if its in the fridge she will use it.

Make a batch of cookies so she has something to offer people who stop by to see her.  I dont know how many times I wished I had even store bought cookies in the cupboard to serve with tea and by the time visiters left I went right back into zombie mode and didnt have the energy or desire to shower let alone bake.

Tell her, and mean it! that you will always love her no matter what and you will always be there to listen.  Tell her you are not hurt more by her showing her tears.  Tell her yes you loved him and miss him but you know she is feeling those things times a thousand.  Let her know she has a person who will give her space to grieve and be there at the same time. 

So many people offered me help, said they would be there for me and then waited for me to let them know what I needed.  Im telling you that I didnt know what I needed so how could I ask?  But when the few people who understood that would call with a specific like I mentioned above it was such a huge gift.  So if you are not physically close enough to do these things and you know some of the family that are, please pass this along to them.  She will thank you later.  And thank you for caring enough about her to ask!!!!

What a sweet picture. Who is that, Brenda? BTW, GREAT name... :)

In my deepest places, I believe that loss is loss, and the pain of it is all-encompassing. Who or what was lost does not bear a degree. Your loss is every bit as profound and may be more so to your heart. I discovered some things about my grief journey that have helped me get moving again. Namely I was intent not to hurt again that I hugged my hurt to myself, and in doing so, I shut down the things that make me feel alive and energized. Part of this is sharing who Michael was to me, and who he was to others. When I detached from that and made a decision to share with the people I love and he loved, the response was truly overwhelming. I had hold of that truth early on but somewhere along the way I let go of it. As for how I am coming along, I feel like I am coming back to reality after a long sleep. Parts of me are tingling and parts are still numb but I see a little light and I think I am going to be okay. :)

Thanks Brenda. It's been really tough. 

Thanks for the hugs!  Yes, this is a very hard time for us. No parent should have to lose a child.  It is very hard to see her like this and know that we are going to lose her. I am disabled to but I can walk through my small apartment but then have to sit down to get relief from the pain. I am sorry for your situation.  I am scared. I can't really handle this with my daughter, Sara. I don't know how I get through each day. All I do is pray for her and the rest of our small family. I have a son, Gabe, who is 34 years old and married to a wonderful girl. My ex has a girlfriend of 22 years who is helping out beyond belief. They have taken in my grandson, Isiah, and are raising him as their own. My ex is also handling all of Sara's medical bills, insurance and all other paper work. Bless them both. I really am alone though and am having a hard time. Laura has been very helpful and we talk via email. If you want to do that let me know and I will give you my email address. Again, thanks for the hugs.

Thank you for your nice reply in the month of March, yes my faith in God is strong (BUT) when loss seems to be all you receive I have doubts, not of Gods love that I could never doubt my Aunt was proof of Gods love.  I wouldn't try suicide I've tried it to many times starting at the age of 9, a few years ago I almost made it.  They used paddles, CPR woke up with tubs  oxygen it was a real mess and I paid the price with 2 years of my freedom they county decided where I lived, who my doctors where, how my money was spent.  The worse was the pain in my girls eyes and my Aunt so never again but I pray every day God that he takes me home.  Why or how he can leave me here with all the pain, yet he takes baby's and children who have their hole life ahead of them I don't understand.  My loving Aunt laying in bed dying I couldn't leave her side, yet my youngest daughter in the state of Alaska going in premature labor losing my granddaughter and her son Kadden having open heart surgery he was just barley a year old.  Enough already the pains enough I'm 54 I'm tired. But thanks for all of you who cared enough to reply.  I've just been to sad to say thank you my doctor says it's normal to grieve like this but my hearts heavy and hurting that's all I see and feel is pain.  Thank you and Bless all of you

Hi, What is the red ribbon?  I have been having a really rough time. I know I am in denial but knowing it doesn't help me. Sara's memorial was a week ago today and I still can't believe she is gone. None of my friends are really interested in my grieving. I think they just expect me to get on with it. There are no words of encourgement or sympathy like there was only one week ago. I try to talk to them but they change the subject. It is like they never really cared at all. I feel so alone in my heart during this time of my loss. Losing a child is the hardest thing I can imagine.  I just don't have the support that I had before. I don't know if I mentioned before but I have a problem with  driving or getting out of the house and that makes it harder too. I have a strong touch of minor agoraphobia. I call it minor because I am able to go out with others but not alone. I just can't take this depression and denial anymore. I can't seem to get beyond it. Hospice is calling me early in the week for a phone session because I am so disabled about going out. I hope this will be good. I feel so guilty about not going out and, again, no one understands it. I have been having this problem for a long time now. Not just because of Sara. All I want is my Sara back. I keep thinking why can't she walk through the door and sit down with me and talk like we did. I miss her so much. I love you were her final words and it tears me up. I just want her back. She was on life support for 4 months and even though I knew down deep what was going to happen I still can't accept it. Thanks for listening to me go on and on. Please use my email to reply. binkipi@yahoo.com. Thanks so much.

Thank you Brenda. So far , so good today.

i wanted to say heloo and hope you are having a good day

Thank you Brenda for the friend request, God Bless you :)

Thank you.  Missing him with major life things going on right now

Brenda Ann,

Thank you for the friend request. I hope I was not rude in what I said -- it was clear from your post that you meant well by what you said, and I did not take offense. It's just that I cannot believe in a loving god who would let my husband die and leave me here.

So if you're ok with being online friends with an agnostic who hates god if there is one, then it's ok with me. :) 

Brenda ,I am Stanley ,the guy who lost his  gay partner ,How are you and  did you move to Ecuador?

Hi Brenda, 

I have read a little about your losses and what you do for people and I am interested in speaking with you. 

I am part of a research team at Saint Louis University that is conducting a research project about how families communicate about making medical decisions for loved ones at the end-of-life. If this is something you would be comfortable with, please email me at cgibso10@slu.edu.

Best,

Corinne Gibson

Hello Brenda,   Thanks for asking me to be your friend on here. I believe each of us that read and post here are grieving the loss of a loved one .  Friends can help each other get past all hurdles that are put in front of us. My life is slowly beginning to seep back into daily reality. Lost my husband the latter part of April this year, but I know he is a much better place now and the pain, suffering, medicines and Joy of living in Heaven must be wonderful.  Please have a good Sunday tomorrow and God Bless you.

Hello Brenda,

Thanks for the friend request.  I  appreciate all the kind, comforting words that are written on here, for all of us who in grieving from the loss of a loved one. I am slowly seeping back into the reality of daily life here.  It is rough but we all have to accept what Fate is given to us. Wish I could have the Journey to Heaven with my husband but that was not in the Plan, so I try to go through hurdle placed in front of me and wait until it is time for to take my Journey.  Hope you are having a good week end and May God Bless you.....

Hi Brenda, Thank you for your friend request. I read your blog above, and agree that Our Heavenly Father did not create mankind to die that he gave us a provision by means of Jesus. I know that one day as Rev. 21:4 states "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” I just pray that I will be able to be part of that wonderful blessing so I may see my son, husband, parents, aunts, uncles & friends I miss so much. It is so hard to be strong after all this loss, and feel alone most of the time. The pain is so unbearable after my son died. I only wish he did not push me away, so I could have told him how much I love him. Thank you again for extending your arms to me.

Brenda,

Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful words. The link to the article is almost like deja vu. A few days or maybe a week after my husband passed, two young men who were Jehovah Witnesses knocked on the front door. I opened the door but immediately told them I wasn't interested. Not wanting to come across as impolite, I accepted their magazine/booklet. The cover article was "When Someone You Love Dies". I thought it was strange and timely. Here you are sending me a link to the same article! 

Dear Brenda Ann,

Thank you very much for your kind words. I am not a very haring person o I find it quite hard to talk about my emotions. I am going through a very hard time right now so any kind of help and support is more than welcome. I am sure that I will be able to find it here.

I will look through brochures you suggested. Thank you again for your kind words.

Milica

Hi Brenda

Thank you for you kind and comforting words

Im trying my hardest to move on with my daily routine, but sometime it not easy.  Have a good week

Brenda, thank you for posting some verses from Job, you had left a comment that included Job chapter 10. Just totally described where I am at today after two child losses.

thank you Brenda, I can really relate to the Shakespeare quote, it feels like I will bust open from grief if I don't talk about it.

I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and apologize for not doing so earlier for the kindness you showed me in your comment to me last year. Thank You Sooo Very Much for taking your time to write what you did and share what you did with me and for me..it means A LOT! Warmest Regards~J

 Thanks for being my friend, Brenda Ann. Its nice to have a "sister in the faith" to talk to.  I see your from my home state. I am originally from El Paso, Tx.  Hope you and your family are well!  Agape...

 Hello. Nice to meet you and thank you for the kind request.