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Comment by morgan on March 22, 2015 at 9:49pm

JohnT,

Just FYI, I have filed an extension for three years running.  I just cant get my act together by 4/15 and I used to take care of them when my husband was alive.  

I have at times ball parked my tax due and you may end up with interest but its worth the extra if only to give yourself time to deal with some of the other more pressing issues like an inability to function.   Take it a step at a time.  Don't try to do it all at once.  I know how those notes she made are going to strike a chord in you so when it gets to be too much put it down.  Pace it between now and October.  The IRS doesn't have much room for how hard it is for us to do but take advantage of the extension.  As time passes you will be able to get through the necessary paperwork but only a little at a time.  Please take care.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 22, 2015 at 12:25pm

John T,  People file extensions to file all the time.  Just because you file late isn't an automatic red flag.  Filing the extension will give you until 10/15/2015 and you can file the extension through one of the online filing programs Like taxact or turbotax.

Comment by Leesa Lynch on March 22, 2015 at 7:51am

I miss my husband Matt every day im depressed sad angry and mad he was my soulmate my other half and now im only half alive i feel like there a big piece of me gone and i cant do any thing to change it 

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on March 22, 2015 at 1:15am

Today I spent time at the church where we got married and had her funeral, and where mine will be held... There was no service, just spent time there. It was nice... familiar...

Comment by Tildyc on March 21, 2015 at 8:22pm

I hear you John T. I do not know what to say. Except that I know how you're feeling. Not much comfort I know. But I do.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 21, 2015 at 8:17pm

John, I did the same thing today.  I've been crying off and on all day.  The feeling of emptiness and loneliness is unbearable.  I am stuck in this endless loop of pain.   

I went out with my family to celebrate my sister's birthday.  I felt so depressed because my Jeremy will never have another birthday.  I went to the bathroom and cried. 

I too think that this is a nightmare that I someday will wake from and he will be there.

 

Comment by Tildyc on March 21, 2015 at 5:34pm

It's sooo senseless and stupid.

Comment by Tildyc on March 21, 2015 at 5:33pm

And since Thursday I've been going through another type of hell.

I just spent the last 3 days in the ER and then the hospital with the brother of my Mark. His brother is suffering from the same thing that my Mark was suffering from. But this time- the Dr. took the symptoms seriously and didn't just send him home to die like he did his brother- my Mark. I was there and made DAMN SURE the Dr. understood the levity of the situation.

Just walking into that same ER where my Mark died in front of me... I became nauseous, shakey and overwhelmed with anxiety. It was horrifying and surreal. I was so scared.

For Mark's brother- the last 3 days have been hospitalization, tests, labs and now- a 1/2 hr ago- a med-i-vac to Seattle. For the proper medical care. And I'm beyond grateful and relieved that his brother is going to be ok. But just sitting in the ER with Mark's brother and then his hospital room for 3 days and then to watch him carted off to the airport for transport to Seattle... It just makes me ask WHY WHY WHY couldn't the Dr. done the same for my Mark 6 wks ago???? It would of saved his life. He would be here with me now...... What the #%*!?!? I just want to disappear. I want to be swallowed up into a huge dark hole. I feel so bleak and hollow.

Once again- to be very clear- I'm so very pleased that his brother is going to be ok. I take nothing away from that. But what about my baby?! Why didn't the Dr. help my Mark????????

Comment by Tildyc on March 21, 2015 at 4:53pm

Thank you m morgan. And yes- for sure I feel like I'm in hell. It's unbearable. I already know there is no escape from this. John T- I'm so sorry about such a terrible painful anniversary. My god- the future is so empty. 6wks, 6mos, 2 yrs.................
It is unbearable. I guess it's like m morgan stated- we are not alone in our grief.

Comment by morgan on March 21, 2015 at 12:29am

Tildyc (part 2)

I wish I could give you some answers.  I am not sure I have given up all hope even knowing how hard this has been so I don't want to end this by saying there is no hope.  The best we can do is bear it.  How we do it varies.  Yet each day you wake up you know it's going to start all over again. It does mellow a bit with time and you end up having fewer more intense breakdowns but the feeling remains.  Nothing has doused the feeling of wanting him back. Wanting to feel him in my arms again.  Wanting to have all those things that were priceless because I had love.  

Thank you for writing out your feelings.  I think at any stage of this it helps someone else because as alone as we are without our spouses we are not alone in the grief when we think we are going crazy.  Take care…...

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