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Comment by Ally M on March 23, 2015 at 11:01pm

Hi everyone, I lost my husband on Feb. 8, 2015 and i feel like i am doing worse these past 2 weeks than i did before.  Is that normal?  Steve was 46 yrs. old and i recently turned 44.  We didn't have any children together, so the house is so quiet.  I feel like everyone around me expects me to be improving.  I don't know what to tell them, except 'i'm okay'. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 10:59pm

So this might seem a little corny to everyone else but – I'm a fan of music. And I have not been able to listen to music since the day Mark died. But this song snuck in on me tonight and the words are amazing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2RgcaNV0Nw&sns=em

Comment by Roger on March 23, 2015 at 9:58pm

John, I am right there with you my friend. As I have said many times. If I won the lottery today. It wouldn't matter one bit to me. I couldn't share it with Karla. I don't want anything. I need very little. "Things" are point less when you have loss something so very important to you like you and I have. Your bitterness is certainly understandable. Completely justifiable in my mind. I will keep you in my prayers

Comment by Roger on March 23, 2015 at 8:50pm

Hey John,

I saw on of your post where you were going to have to declare bankruptcy because of your wife's debt on her credit card. My wife and I kept our finances separate. She had her credit cards. I had my credit cards. In our own name. She would keep track of what we both spent on our living expenses. Every once in a while we would settle up. It work out fine for us. My point in telling you, is after she passed away. She left a credit card bill in the amount of about 350 dollars. I called the card company. To inform them she had passed away. So they could cancel her card. I also want to ask about settling the balance. After finally getting to talk to a person. Told them the reason for the call. I was given a number of a all together different company that handled accounts where the card holder had passed away. I told him my wife had passed and was given this number by the credit card company to cancel her account. He immediately read me a statement that I was informed they had to do as required by law. Part of the statement was that I was as a surviving spouse "NOT" responsible for the out standing balance on her card. I ask if I could pay it. That it was for purchases that she had made for us. I would be more than glade to take care of it. He said, certainty that would be much appreciated. I did. I am not sure all of the circumstances of why as a  surviving spouse that the debt didn't transfer to me but it didn't. I am in Tennessee. Like I said. The card was in her name only. You might want to look into it further.  

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 23, 2015 at 6:24pm

I am beginning to realize that I will never be the same and it sucks beyond belief.  I don't feel whole, I don't feel confident, I don't feel secure and I don't feel loved anymore.  I go through the motions everyday, just to get through the day.  I feel that I am in more pain today than I was right after he died.  I am crying more.  

My husband was so full of life.  He was the life of the party and everybody loved him.   People say they are there for me, but I just don't know.   

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 23, 2015 at 6:17pm

Tildyc, you are lucky, I have no voice mails to listen to.  I really wasn't a picture taker and am relying on friends and family for pictures of Jeremy.  I was able to find an app to move his texts to me to my email.  I transferred all his pictures that he took on his phone to the computer also. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 5:56pm

I was actually addressing Jason's last post and put in John name. But I guess it applies to all of us really.

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 5:51pm

Yup- I have to be careful around my phone. It has plenty of pictures and videos and voice recordings and messages and texts of a happier time. And I used to feel loved and secure and was outgoing and friendly. Truly happy.

Now I'm just the opposite of all of that. I spend a lot of time crying and pleading for Mark to come home. Which I realize is completely ridiculous because, he's-never-coming-back, for goodness sake. It's just so painfully hard to accept. The future looks empty and bleak and lonely. And It blows me away how- in one freakin moment- how you can go from a solid, happy and an amazing life to this lost, foreign and empty plain of existence.

So, in my humble opinion John T- we will forever be changed and can never be the same again. And I hate it. It's BS.

Comment by Jason on March 23, 2015 at 5:15pm

So today I was going through my phone, I found a bunch of photos i'd sent to amanda, we were in a long distance relationship so we used what'sapp to stay in touch. Anyways these pictures were from december, before I went out to spend christmas with her and her family. It was really weird how different I looked in those pictures. I was so happy, I had such a glow and glint in my eye it was strange to see. I look and feel so different now. I feel so much older like i've aged years in the past few months. I'd give anything to go back to those days

Comment by Tildyc on March 22, 2015 at 10:46pm

Going have to file an extension myself. No way I could handle it right now. Il

And I know what you folks are talking about when the little stuff can cause so much sadness. I cooked spaghetti tonight. 1st anything I've cooked since the day Mark died. It was always his thing- cooking. He always made dinner. And just being in the kitchen and using his pots, pans and utensils made me so sad. I cried through the whole prep of dinner. Then when it was all done and on my plate I couldn't eat it. It's going to end up in the garbage.

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