Comment

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 9:07pm

I dunno- I'm just sick of feeling like this and sick of crying and sick of hurting and missing Mark.

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 9:05pm

A survivor- yes- a survivor John T. I do feel like this is something I'm trying to survive but I can't say for sure if I'm going to make it at this point. But if I do – will my life be worth living? The thought of the next 30-40 years looks really bleak. And I can't imagine living life in this dark spot. I've heard what they say about it getting easier. But I truly feel like I'm never going to recover from this. Perhaps I'll get lucky and go to Mark earlier instead of later.

Comment by George H on March 30, 2015 at 8:52pm

Donna I truly know how you feel my life for the past 7 years was worried about Mary's appointments her insulin her medication getting a dialysis done feeding or caring for just about everything you could think and then all of a sudden I have no purpose no direction is lonely this everything is in darkness right at the moment I can't even put one foot in front of the other just don't know what to do

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 30, 2015 at 8:46pm

My crying happens at night.  Every day seems like an eternity.  Time just drags for me now.  I am a shell of myself.  For the last two years my life center around his appointments and chemo treatments.  I don't know what to do with myself.  There is one thing I look forward to, no, there are two things.  One is one day being able to join Jeremy and the other is AHL Hockey games.  We met because of the AHL.  There is the only place I feel his presence.  I don't feel him anywhere else yet. 

Comment by Dianne M. on March 30, 2015 at 8:23pm

Tildyc I wish I could answer that too. I cry every morning because he is not here with me. I dont know how we bear it either. I am just putting one foot in front of the other and that is all I can manage most days.

Posting helps me.

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 8:20pm

Why does this have to be so damn painful? How am I supposed to bear this??? I really can't take it anymore. There is no relief anywhere and nothing can make this better. I can not stop crying. I cannot find an answer anywhere.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 30, 2015 at 6:22pm

George, Fran is absolutely right. Besides heart failure, my husband also suffered from kidney failure. I had to make the call to stop his dialysis because his blood pressure just couldn't take it. He passed away the next day...His heart was just to weak. But I made the call to do what I thought was best and that's what you had to do to. You loved and honored her.

Comment by Fran on March 30, 2015 at 4:56pm

George, You did what Mary wanted. She was still capable of thought and she thought of you. She knew there was nothing more, she knew her quality of life was diminishing further and didn't want either of you to suffer any more. Sometimes watching the one live in a diminished capacity is just as cruel as letting them go with some dignity. There's no easy way. You HONORED her by the care you gave her and it was just time. We will always have doubts and second guesses. I stopped treatments and tortures when my husband reached his limits. Logically, I know it was right...but, in my heart I was selfish and wanted to continue whatever for as long as possible. But, I KNOW he didn't want to suffer anymore.

Comment by George H on March 30, 2015 at 4:38pm

seem to be dealing with a lot of guilt today I had to make a decision to take Mary off the dialysis because it wasn't working and she didn't want to go back on the blood dialysis he just wanted to come home and let nature take its course I did what she wanted cuz that was their wishes now I'm having a real hard time with my decision I was sure it was the right thing to do but I guess I'll second guess myself for a long time

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 30, 2015 at 4:02pm

I hate it so much that anyone else has to suffer like this. I would love to be able to give you all a great big hug and take away your pain. I already feel like I belong here and I haven't felt that way since Mark died. 

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