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Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 31, 2015 at 9:27am

I can't afford grief counseling so I guess y'all are going to have to counsel me. Good luck! I need a lot of help!

Comment by Dianne M. on March 31, 2015 at 9:09am

I am seeing a private grief counselor who is a widow too. She is good so far but I am not sure what to expect since I have never done this before. The 2 grief groups are good because we all share a common loss of loved one and can talk about how it feels and freely express our anger and grief. Is it helping me , I dont know but it does fill the times when I would be sitting home moping and being very sad and alone so it serves a purpose in that. I dont know how we are supposed to move through this because each of us had a different relationship with our loved one. He was my life and my world and I am just plodding through the best I can knowing he would want that.

Comment by George H on March 31, 2015 at 8:49am

I also see grief counselors and it doesn't help much its just somebody to talk to I guess I take my couple hours a week because I'm pretty much alone all the time no support system no friends are coming to the house and I've noticed that even Sony acquaintances that Mary and I had seems we drifted away I guess that's what happens after a death I don't know sometimes I wish that these sites had audio chat so that we could express ourselves to each other a little better than posting I wish all of you well today just another one of those days for me I can tell already

Comment by Tildyc on March 31, 2015 at 8:45am

I actually have gone to a therapist a couple times now. She is very understanding and listens very well. It's getting repetitious though – I go there but all I feel wrung out when I walk out of there. It's really not much different then when I am at home for hours and cry and read your guys posts. I cry and talk about Mark and all the misery and pain that goes with the loss. The difference for me is – that she has not suffered the loss of a spouse like you and I have. As well meaning as she is – there is no way she can truly relate because she's got her wonderful husband still. I hope I don't sound bitter because that was not my intent. I'm just saying she can't possibly fathom the way this truly feels. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. It's like being in a type of hell. Walking around in a world that is alien to me and I just don't know how to do it anymore. I'm lost. And so very alone. Only you folks on here know how that feels.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 31, 2015 at 5:53am

I thought about going to see a therapist. Maybe the training they have could help...but I really don't think so. Being able to honestly express how I feel with people who truly understand is more helpful. It feels good to be able to say that I wish I could just die(not suicidal) and know that I'm not going to be judged because you all know exactly how I feel. 

Comment by morgan on March 31, 2015 at 12:22am

The fact that I sit here and read these posts and wish for each and every one of us that we could be textbook examples of recovery is for me just dreaming.  The pain is real, the crying is the result.  The question is how to get it to stop.  I've been looking for the answer to that question for what seems to be an eternity (two years two months).  

I think there is something to how deep the relationship was.  I think there is something to whether or not you have children.  And those who lay claim to faith seem to have a place they can tuck the grief.  I don't have either and i was with my husband for 35 years.  

I find it validating John T that you as a family therapist have now seen the worst of what your profession tries to help and realize you had no idea nor could you have really helped someone in our state.  I haven't gone to a therapist because I can't find one that could relate. You have to have walked in these shoes to understand the depth of this hole.  

I can only say from my own experience I have gone a long time without resolving how my husbands death has affected me.  In the journals they would call it complicated grief.  What I am finding is the journals haven't yet caught up with the internet.  All they need to do is read the blogs on grief and on each site they are so many of us that never are able to reconcile the loss. Many of us pull the mask tighter and tighter and muddle through time but never far from our thoughts is the one person who loved us more than we loved ourselves. The therapists wrote the books on the ones who somehow find the tool to do better than muddle not the ones who can't.  

And one last thought. I am not sure what honoring my husband means.  I know he is horrified to see me so broken and I am sure he would like for it to be different but I was the one left behind.  I just don't know how to do this.  I really just don't know how to live what others call life anymore.  I've tried and tried for years now. I'm exhausted.  I hang onto these web sites for support just to get through another day.  I am waiting for my heart to give out because I really don't think I am going to be able to last.  I just don't know what else I can do to stop missing him.  

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 9:26pm

that is so good to hear Diane. It's inspiring to see other people be able to find a way through this. And I truly wish I was able to look at it as you do. Because I know that's the way we are supposed to see it. But if I am to be truly honest... for myself... I just can't
seem to find a path that works for me right now.

Comment by Dianne M. on March 30, 2015 at 9:13pm

I get the dark place and the pain but I know my husband would not want me to suffer or come join him. He would want me to be happy and have as good a life as possible so I am going to try and honor that. It is NOT easy and each day I cry and wonder why but if I dont go on I wont ever know why I am still here.

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 9:07pm

I dunno- I'm just sick of feeling like this and sick of crying and sick of hurting and missing Mark.

Comment by Tildyc on March 30, 2015 at 9:05pm

A survivor- yes- a survivor John T. I do feel like this is something I'm trying to survive but I can't say for sure if I'm going to make it at this point. But if I do – will my life be worth living? The thought of the next 30-40 years looks really bleak. And I can't imagine living life in this dark spot. I've heard what they say about it getting easier. But I truly feel like I'm never going to recover from this. Perhaps I'll get lucky and go to Mark earlier instead of later.

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