I have not been looking forward to weekends for a while now.  they don't mean as much to me any more.  This weekend though my big sister was coming down and that should have made me feel better, but when she called and said she was on her way and we were going to go Christmas shopping my heart started racing.  I had an anxiety attack that got so bad I had to lay down and put a cold wash cloth on my head.  I did not want to disappoint her, but that was the worst feeling in the world.  I could not breath, I could not stop crying.  My youngest daughter sat beside me on the bed until the crying subsided.  I hate it when that happens in front of my kids.  I just don't know how to stop them.