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Kelly Jo Perkins
- Female
- Pleasant Hill, MO
- United States
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- About Me:
- I am 42 years old and have five children and two grandchildren. I work full time in a business that I started with my husband and mother and father in law 17 years ago. We have worked together for so long it is like we all live together. But in a way that is a good thing, we do see each other every day, which is more than most families can say.
- About my Loss:
- On August 13 my husband passed away of a heart attack at the age of 46. We had been together since I was 18 years old. He had been had chest pains in the past and I convinced him to go to the hospital. He had four stents put in in the past five years and was on alot of heart medications. WE were getting ready for work that morning and he said his chest was hurting and thought he was just gonna stay home. I said "Ok. But if it gets worse will you call me so I can take you to the hospital?" He told me he would, so I handed him his medicine and went into the bathroom to get ready for work. I just shut the bathroom door and remembered something I needed to ask him, so I went back in the bedroom and he was laying half on and half off the bed not breathing. I, in all my medical knowledge started crying out his name, which brought all of our kids into the room. We called 911 and I attempted CPR. The ambulance took him after shocking him three times. They said they had a heart beat when they left. By the time we got to the hospital, he was gone. It was just like a dream when the dr told me he was gone. I lost the only man I have ever loved. I love him, and now I am broken. My heart, my soul and my spirit are all broken. I go through life, like I am suppose to. I get up and go to work, but then I come home...that is all I do.
Kelly Jo Perkins's Blog
Not the same Christmas
The Christmas holiday has come and gone, but it was just not the same. Nobody wanted to say anything because no one wanted to start the crying, but everyone knew it. We always have everyone over to spend Christmas eve with my husbands parents, then they stay the night and spend Christmas day with us. It was not until my father in law was talking to my brother in law on the phone that the crying started. I was trying my hardest not to ruin the holidays for everyone, but he was right,…
ContinuePosted on December 27, 2012 at 8:26pm
I still feel you there
I go to bed at night knowing that I am going to bed alone. But when I wake up for just a split second I think I can turn over and see his face laying next to me. I wake up crying alot, but I know I have to let the tears come when they want to. We were so involved in every aspect of each other's lives. We woke up together, went to work together, worked together, came home together....Very few days were we apart. I really don't know how to just be "Kelly" after being "Anthony and Kelly"…
ContinuePosted on December 16, 2012 at 1:00pm — 2 Comments
The Anxiety of the shopping trip
I have not been looking forward to weekends for a while now. they don't mean as much to me any more. This weekend though my big sister was coming down and that should have made me feel better, but when she called and said she was on her way and we were going to go Christmas shopping my heart started racing. I had an anxiety attack that got so bad I had to lay down and put a cold wash cloth on my head. I did not want to disappoint her, but that was the worst feeling in the world. I could…
ContinuePosted on December 2, 2012 at 7:02pm — 1 Comment
Weekends
The weekends don't seem to mean much any more. I spend them at home with my kids, when they are not busy. This morning was really hard, I woke up in tears again because I was facing his side of the bed and he was not there. I use to get up before him and fix the coffee and wait until I heard the bedroom door open, watch him walk down the hall and say "good morning baby, do you want some coffee". I still wait here to hear that door open and watch him walking down the hall with that smile…
ContinuePosted on December 1, 2012 at 8:42am — 2 Comments
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Latest Activity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
"Kali
I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal.
Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
It was not supposed to be like this
In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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Thanks for your message. I am very sorry about your sister and husband. In my case, we had good 36 years of marriage yet I am in pain. Yesterday was the 2nd death anniversary and it was extremely hard to deal with. I can totally relate to your loss especially loosing him at such a young age. Like you said... Life goes on without them. Please keep in touch and I pray for your pain to go away. Holidays do not mean much any longer because the joy has been sucked away. Take care.
Regards,
Raj
Kelly - I feel the same as you as we were 'Mike and Pam' to everyone and now it is just Pam and daughters. That is ok but I miss Mike so very much as we were together since I was 15 when I started going out with him. I had him in my life so very long that I am lost without him and don't know what the future will hold. I am just taking each day as it comes and try to live the best way I can with tears coming each day whenever they feel like it. I am busy at work and with my two daughters at home so that keeps me busy. The thoughts are always there with a hole in my heart...
Kelly, Your story is very similar to mine. My husband woke up after I went to work not being able to breathe and my older daughter gave him an aspirin and called 911. Three hours later he was gone...
As far as shopping, I had a similar issue as I took y daughters to the mall this weekend and was done on driving homme listening to Christmas music made me start to cry with streams of tears just pouring out of my eyes. My kids didn't even see it as they were in the back but it was so sudden and unexpected...I know how you feel ; (
I just read how your husband passed. He was so young. How devastating that must of been to see him that way. I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I knew how to help people take away their pain. But I can't even help myself now. We all are looking for answers. How do we stop this pain? How do we get out of bed everyday? How did this happen to us?