Lessen the pain of grief

The pain of grief is awful.  We may understand that the body needs to process grief to help us move on, but the question exists...Can we speed it up a little so it doesn't hurt so much?

The answer is Yes and No.  The pain of grief must be felt an experienced to be free from it.  The truth is, the faster you fully experience it, the quicker you'll have more 'non-grieving' periods that you can live your life.  So, would you like to experience a heavier amount of suffering and move on from it quicker OR avoid thoughts of grief and have it painfully resurface throughout your life?

Grief, as you know, comes on like waves.  Very intense, often without a signal that its coming. For lack of a better expression, we must "ride the wave." Experience the pain, the sadness, the tears and all the emotions for them to dissipate from your body.  Anger, rage, fear, dread, guilt, denial are other emotions that will surface.  It is very important to feel these feelings, and, to notice what it is you are feeling.  As much as it hurts, it is a normal way your body must process grief.

Now, please note....I suggested for you to experience these emotions, not ACT on them.  For instance, if anger comes up...do not yell at your spouse or your co-worker.  If you feel guilty, do not sit there stewing for two hours in the guilt.  Rather, notice "I'm feeling guilt," feel what guilt feels like...all those sensations in your body...then it will go.

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Tags: grief, of, pain, the

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Comment by rachel_micele on August 30, 2016 at 11:32pm

I agree with Bluebird - I think your post has very well intention but it seems quite "cookie cuttered" and you cannot lump everyone into this category. That is quite upsetting to me. My grief has been in full storm ever since my loss 17.5 months ago. I have NEVER had a non-grieving period in that time. Will I ever? I don't know. That is not something I even have the capability to think about. The future will tell me that answer well enough. And so talking also about grief coming in waves - that is royal bullshit for me too. At least to date. There is no fucking wave.! Hell is the place I live.

"The answer is Yes and No." Unless I've missed something it seems this post has focused completely on the "Yes" ...

All that being said, I can agree with the concept of allowing yourself to feel your emotions. I have been doing that from the get go. I have refused to stay busy, act fake, put on the happy face, etc. I face my grief every day. I have drastically changed so many parameters in my day & life. Everything of what I do revolves around my grief and actively trying to figure out some fucked up way to process and live with this. I can also agree to what you resist, persists. With many emotions once you allow yourself to feel and face them, they will go. But I think grief could have exceptions, especially when you want to talk about complicated grief.

My apologizes if I sound harsh. I appreciate the genuineness of your post. Just have to keep it real.

Comment by bluebird on August 30, 2016 at 9:39pm

While I think your post is likely well-intentioned, and I hope it helps some people here, I have to say that what you have said is not true for everyone. 

You said "The pain of grief must be felt an experienced to be free from it.  The truth is, the faster you fully experience it, the quicker you'll have more 'non-grieving' periods that you can live your life.  So, would you like to experience a heavier amount of suffering and move on from it quicker OR avoid thoughts of grief and have it painfully resurface throughout your life?"

For me, the answer is "neither". I have no desire nor intention to "live my life" or "move on" from grief.  My husband died, and as a result of his death my life has been destroyed.  That's it. The grief will last as long as my "life" does. Period.

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