I can totally identify with the sudden unexpected loss of your husband. It was like reading what happened to us. He was told to monitor his sugar and had days he would really feel sick. Some of his blood work came back with elevated white cell counts and Dr. would just say it was probably a flu or bug of some sort. By the time we found out - he had stage 4 cancer and we were in absolute disbelief. He was with this Dr. for 10 plus years and all we could think was How did this happen? How was this not noticed somehow? Worst part was we were given false hope all the way through his therapy. Even the oncologist was holding back information from us so that he could treat according to his decisions. It was so bad that we NEVER said our goodbyes to each other, never spoke of our lives together. We didn't want to give each other the idea we were giving up. By the time the end came, he couldn't speak and wasn't aware of things. It was to late. Within 3 months of our normal life - it was over. The worst part is that I feel like it was my fault - that I failed him because I couldn't fix this for him the way we always fixed things for each other. I knew he was terrified, but holding on to what ever morsel the doctor gave him as hope. I moved within 2 months of his death. I am finding I don't have any trust in doctors at all. Just went through a scare myself with pancreatic cancer - okay so far. Go later this month for followup. I also know I carry the BRCA genes that took my sister. How do you trust after what I consider the doctors fault to begin with. I've been a basket case before each appointment and lost weight because of nerves. What do you do? Where do you go?
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