My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.

I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I should call her. I keep thinking about my dad being all alone without her. We r still going thru her stuff & it’s just surreal, all her stuff is still here, but she’s just gone. I can’t wrap my head around it, it just doesn’t seem natural, it doesn’t seem right.

Who am I going to call when I get sick & I need to know what to do. Who am I going to call when something good happens or when something bad happens. Who is going to nag me about making dentist/ doctor appointments.

I never got along great with my mom, but I loved her more than anything else in this world. My soul hurts.