I feel so hopelessly broken today. I put on my ",normal" face today and went to work. I talked to people even laughed, but inside I was screaming "Can't you see I need help? I'm dying here!". Of course, those were only words heard within. Only one person that I work with, an alarmingly intuitive soul, HEARD my voice on the phone and knew something wasn't right. Knew that wasn't me. Knew I had been crying, but didn't want to come out and ask. So she posed another question, " Have you got a cold or allergies? A pause that was a second too long, then I replied, "Something like that, I guess" and hurriedly changed the subject. People can't fix my grief. So why even bother them? Nobody, no pill can fix it. Just want it over with, sometimes. Don't mean to be gross, but my constant grief reminds me of vomiting. Nobody wants to do it. I had rather face a firing squad than do it, will do everything in my power to keep from it. But that horrible nausea gets to be a terrible burden to bear and so you just let it out, as unpleasant as it's going to be, because you know relief will follow. That's where I'm at with this grief. I just want IT or ME to be over...
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