These holidays were absolutely miserable for me. I just could not control my emotions. Now my daughters think I need to seek a counselor. It has only been 5 1/2 months since my loss. This is normal right? Along with the holidays was our wedding anniversary to only add to the problem. I love my daughters but they just do not understand. I knew it was just a matter of time before they would say enough is enough. I tried to explain to them that being married to someone for 38 years is so hard to… Continue

Last night was awful. Cried all evening. I truly thought I was loosing my mind. Went to bed at 11:30PM and woke at 2:30AM. Stayed awake trying to force myself to sleep. So today I am tired and knew it was going to be a bad day due to emotions and lack of sleep. The morning was tough until I said ok Jesus help me out. I prayed aloud and had a nice conversation with Jesus, I ask for relief of some of this pain and sorrow. Then I spoke out loud to my husband and express my thought, concerns, and… Continue

With Thanksgiving over and my wedding anniversary approaching (Friday November 30th) I am a total mess. We would have been married 38 years! I decided to pack up and move. To where? I wasn't sure! All I knew was I had to get away. Try to out run this awful pain and depression that is consuming me. Tears and more tears every day. No one understands. I thought I had myself under control but was blindsides and haven't been able to recover since. I did however make an appointment with a physician… Continue

From no where came the tears. The pain of my loss, flashbacks, loneliness and deep sadness. I don't cry everyday but the tears and sadness is random. When it does hit me I cry for days. Then I may be good for days before it hits again. At this point I don't know what is worse, crying daily or the random bouts of depression and tears? I have never hurt so bad in my life. It has been 3 1/2 month since my loss and people don't want to hear about my loss anymore. They avoid you. So so sad.

November is lung cancer awareness month. The colors are white or pearl.

I had a tough night last night.  Could not sleep, very restless.  Sometimes I think I have a plan and can get through this, other days I don't know if I am coming or going.  I feel like running, running as fast as i can to get away from my feelings, hopping the next plane to nowhere.  One day I have a handle on things and the next day the handle broke off. I suppose I still have a long way to go to get thru the grieving process.  I never dreamed it would be so hard.  My husband still opened…

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I have 2 daughters,  one lives in Minnesota and the other in the sunshine state, Florida.  For 2 years my husband and I dreamed of moving to Florida.  Last summer we got really serious about making the move. Wow! we were really going to do it. We started packing what we wanted to take and gave everything else to the salvation army. We didn't bring alot cause we were going to start over, new journey, new life.  MARCH 2012.  We sold our house in Indiana and headed for Florida March 18, 2012. …

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