With Thanksgiving over and my wedding anniversary approaching (Friday November 30th) I am a total mess. We would have been married 38 years! I decided to pack up and move. To where? I wasn't sure! All I knew was I had to get away. Try to out run this awful pain and depression that is consuming me. Tears and more tears every day. No one understands. I thought I had myself under control but was blindsides and haven't been able to recover since. I did however make an appointment with a physician who took care of my husband and agreed to be my primary physician. (Remember we moved to Florida in March and my husband became ill). Well I finally made the appointment for Friday. So to get back to me decision of moving I was trying to decide where to go when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Moving is not the answer. I am trying to find happiness and will never find it until I find peace and happiness within my own heart. I decided to apply myself to concentrating on my life now, here and now! I sure hope that is what I am suppose to be doing cause I can't tumble and fall again. I am at the lowest of low right now and today I am trying to climb out of this big hole I am in. I know I have to push forward and begin living again. I know this and it is harder than I had ever thought it to be. So from this moment I hope to be in a better state of mind and plunge forward. Who knows what lies ahead of me but I think I need to do something. I just can not continue heading down this path for my sake and my two daughters. Maybe tomorrow I will still be saying this or perhaps doing something about this. God give me strength!