Well I want to wish everyone out there a safe day.I know how much sadness one can have inside them as I live with it everyday. My mom loves Christmas, all the lights,the baking and family .All the happiness that should be there .But is not there anymore.

I have been able to hide my feelings for the most part but I know with my moms birthday on the new years eve, it will be a different story. Mom I will do my best to stay strong. I have planned a nice dinner ,with cake and will share…

Oh so many months have gone by. I find myself still trying to find blame in the staff at the hospital on the little care giving to my mom. I still get mad that the one nurse had to pick an argument with myself and husband at my moms bedside. I know that would have upset mom .

God I have some days when all these bad thoughts whirl around in my head and then I just end up blaming myself. I miss my mom so much,it makes it hard to live in a world that mom is not in.I feel like I…

It's me not coping again .Not sleeping at night but boy can I sleep in the day ,whats up with that? Mom I miss you .I think I hear you from time to time ,like just now I could swear you just snized. I like to think that you are coming back to me .That some how this yes this has all been some kind of nightmare I have been stuck in .

Matt took me to that little farm today ,the one we all went to last year.I did the same as we did then and went around and hand picked a vase of flowers…

95 days now far too many have passed.Soon it will be the big guys birthday and you won't be here for it ether .Mom, how will I get through life without you right next to me.I miss you I miss you oh if I could bring you back I would.

The blue jays are doing good. I brought your bread pan up and look forward to at least using it one time before retiring it! I think I will wait thou until fall to do that.I will go and buy a nice bottle of wine break out your old recipe books and…

It's my birthday today but I don't want it to be .My Mom has been without me by her side since May the 9th ,2015.I am so broken inside. People around me have know idea how close I have come to being in her arms again.The thought enters my mind at least a few times a day.

I miss her so much ,I want to hug her ,to talk to her, be with her .Oh dear God it's so hard getting through a day.Now today has come and I know what my mom would say oh my baby girl is how old ~ say it is not…

May 9,2015 that date will live with me forever !! It's the day that my world changed .I miss you mom and every moment since then you have just stayed right on my mind.For 15 years you and I got to be the best of each others world.I had been your caregiver all those years and mom I would not have changed any of it.I know I was not easy to live with and we both would get on each others nerves but we were still each others world.

How oh how do I carry on without you .I ask myself…