I think being alone and being lonely are two different things. I find that when I am “being alone,” I am watching television at weird hours, thinking it is normal for a single person to think about such things as family pictures on the wall; wondering what happened to the little kids in those pictures, and thinking aloud that they all made it. Being alone and making a meal require little effort. I simply choose between an avocado or peanut butter. Neither one is necessarily a…

What is a perfect love? Is there such a thing? Does it require anything special to hold on to it? What does it feel like, and can that feeling be maintained for a lifetime? Of course, I do not have the answers, but as usual, I have my opinions. I think there are so many kinds of love that a perfect love to me is one that I needed at a particular point in life.

For instance, having been married for so long, Barb’s love for me was perfect. It provided a base, security, a great family,…

I realize I spend a lot of my time waiting for something to happen. Since Barb died, my life has been made up of connecting the dots with the hope that they will lead somewhere. I am so convinced they will continue to guide me that I sometimes forget that it is not necessary to be like the kid on Christmas morning, patiently waiting to see what is going to be in the box. Just allowing things to happen, noticing them, and reacting to them would probably be less stressful. Instead, I am always…

What I have learned:

1.  I can walk farther than I thought, ride a bike and look cool at the same time, and hike into the woods while listening for that voice that I can hear only when the wind is blowing through the trees.
2. I have learned a family can survive the loss and get stronger day by day. 
3. I have learned kids are resilient and make it their quest to remind you that in some ways you now have become the child. Also, you are not allowed to die for a very long…

What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

Losing anyone sets you on the path of going through stages that only you can determine. However, the promise that you will get through them and come out of the tunnel into the sunlight is somewhere in the back of your mind.  Most people come through in time.  The promise of being happy is so alluring that it cannot help but generate an interest in moving forward.

~Mike

Spirit

 …

First, I had to learn to love myself and to define myself individually without the “couple-ness” that was so easy to hide behind in the past.  I had to set the boundaries I was willing to work within, and most importantly, picture what I was supposed to be like when I became the new me.  I know now that I was functioning without a base of my own.  I believe grief’s job is to knock out your foundation so you never feel steady on your feet.  When that happens, though, confusion, fright, and…

For me, when Barb died, it was like a light went out. I remember feeling like every cell in my body was drained of energy. I felt lifeless, non-emotional, cold, and hopeless, rather like the marionette that hung in my closet when I was a kid. My form

was here, but nothing within me was working.

                                ~Mike

You Are

You…

Remembering back to the day she died is like a brilliant flash of light. Barb died of a massive heart attack brought on by complications from Type 2 diabetes. To me, diabetes is a very …