It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I…

Last night was tough....very tough.  2 years ago, I thought he was going to die then. It was an emotional month while he was in ICU and step down.  But, it was the same date (5 months ago) that he went to his peace and I went here.  Today was not good either...especially when my mom realized what yesterday was and facebook showed a memory of him last year...almost healthy.  Some one said that the dates are hard, but it gets more routine.

There are times that I  wonder if I was too…

Tomorrow is that day....that horrible day when everything started to go to crap.  When he quit cooking for our riders, he went on a memorial run for a friend of ours that got in an accident the year before....the day that he got into his accident....and died in the ambulance.....I saw the chopper set down, and an acquaintance of mine ran out as the paramedic...and I yelled at him..."That's my hunny in there!  PLEASE take care of him!"....That was 2 years ago.    Yes, I got him for an extra…

Maybe I'm strange. I enjoy my memories.  Granted, it's tough and time is making it a little easier, but I think that it is only because I am learning how to "behave" when I remember.  I felt extremely lucky to have my hunny for the extra year and a half that I got. He died in the ambulance at his accident and if his C1 had chipped 1 mm the other way, he would've died or been paralyzed. Even though that year and a half was hard--I was caregiver for 5 months while he grew in strength and…