Trying to move on

It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I need to express myself, and there are many  songs that call to my heart.

Something hit me tonight; horribly. I watched the new "A Star Is Born", and  I have 5 more songs I want to sing.

I have been a caregiver for  the  last 5 years...and I'm tired.  My daughter and grandson have been an amazing force to keep me going, but I was forced to change my career, and have lost much faith in my fellow human beings.

I realize that my grief is affecting my life,  but I have reached a place of acceptance that probably isn't good for me. I appreciate the community...and I  could understand entirely why you wouldn't want to move on...I was there...but I did move forward. There were  too many people in my life that depended on me.But now, after facing all the trauma that I have and will......I understand some of you more. 

What the F is the purpose??? ESPECIALLY when you have lost all your purpose???????

Thank God for music....."Everything's Gonna Be Alright"

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