I missed posting on my journal yesterday, because tomorrow is 2 years since Dad passed, and I have been distracting myself with writing on my gypsy series. 

I've been posting my journal entries early in the morning so that I don't forget to make them on a daily basis. Even though I have made the entry today, with this one, I almost forgot to make this one.

You will be gone for 2 years, in just a few short days. It's times like these I really wish you were still here. I miss you so much. Even though it took us a long time to get our relationship in a good place, we finally did; and I'm glad that the last time I saw you, we made things even better for our father daughter bond. 

I've got to tell you that when I heard that you…

Why do I always fall apart?

I can go for weeks without taking about you, but then I'll have a memory, one I haven't thought about in years, and the years begin to flow. I feel like I have taken a few steps backwards when I fall apart because of a memory. 

I guess the reason for the falling apart comes from the fact that people have made me feel like the only way I will ever get to where I can move…

In 6 Days, my father will be gone for 2 years, and I'm tryna figure out how it's possible. It doesn't seem like it was even a month ago that dad passed away, but the reality is, it's been 2 years. 

It’s been 3 weeks and 4 days since my sister entered the hospital, unconscious. 3 weeks and 2 days since she died from a sudden brain stem aneurysm. She was my best friend, my go to person, my voice of reason. I’m lost without her. I have good days with no  tears, then I have others like today where I cry over everything. I feel paralyzed. 

I'll be back in a few hours. It's awfully early to be posting...g'night. 

I was going to ask the members of this website to answer some questions, but as soon as I started getting myself ready to write, those questions went out the front of my brain 

I'm still working towards getting a website setup for the books I'm in the process of writing;…

LOVE AFTER LOSS

For me? 

The idea of love between a man and a woman was NOT one I had very much faith in. I said, "My brain and my heart are on 2 different pages.  My brain said 'Don't fall out of the habit of being…

I really appreciate having somewhere I can go talk with others about my loss, and there's absolutely no judgement.

Thanks for being there for me. 

I'll be back tomorrow, but I wanted to say thanks. 

Wayne,

My friend, it is just as hard to believe you're gone, as it is for me to believe Jeremy is gone. When I look at your picture, I still have to remind myself that you are no longer here. I have to tell ya, when I remember that you have passed on, it feels like I've been lied to. But I think that's because we knew each other for so long. That, and the fact…

Why?

I will never understand why people are so caught up in themselves that they have to make something a friend is going through about them. 

Why does Niki always have to make things about her? She lost the love of her life 15 years ago. She has gone through the process a lot longer than I have. She is 4 days younger than I am, she's supposed to be my sister. She cannot even read an email I sent, and not…

I've been working through the grieving process, more in the last 3 months than I have been able since Jeremy passed, and I'm extremely tired of crying. From the beginning, because of the fact that I was homeless, I would not allow myself to cry. When I did, I would force myself to dry it up. There was just no way I was going to allow people to prey upon me any more than they already were so, I did not cry very much for very long. 

People didn't know what to…

  I'm extremely hurt, right now. I've had not only a best friend, but a little sister for, over 30 years in a woman named Niki. Her real name is Jennifer, but I don't call her that. I have known her since 1993. We've had our sisterly spats. We've both lost our husbands; she lost hers almost 15 years ago; I lost my husband not even 2 years ago. With that in mind, I would like to let y'all know how much audacity she had,…

Today is the first day of the rest of your life - Unknown

This was something my mom used to have hanging in our living room, and since Jeremy passed away, it's something that is very close to my heart. Why? I'm still trying to sort through my heart and soul for the answer. 

There are so many quotes I never paid attention to when I still had my husband and our life together. However, since the day he died, a lot of those quotes have made their way into the…

I've decided that I'm going to write my blog/journal entry in my Google Drive app, and then post it here because quite frankly, there's nothing like being in the middle of a sentence, deep in thought, and having your phone lose your spot because your hand caused the phone screen to rotate accidentally.

Today is gonna be another one full of tears. I'm going to take a guess here, and say, "It's probably going to be…

I have no idea how I'm going to remember Jeremy this year. I didn't get the opportunity to do anything for him because I was homeless. There is no grave, he was cremated. I know one thing though, my boyfriend is awesomely cool with my grieving my husband. On May 5, 2019, I said goodbye to Jeremy for the last time during the rest of my time here on Earth. My best friend, Sarah, lost her mom on May 7, 2019. Which, ironically, was the day…