Yesterday at work I held a beautiful tiny baby girl in my arms, and my tears fell on to her little blanket. I remembered the days I had my own children. When they were babies I could protect them. This little baby smelled like love. I realized how blessed I have truly been. God blessed me with 4 beautiful babies that I cared for, protected, and loved. Even though I didn't get to keep 2 of them with me I am still grateful as ever that I had them for the time I did. Somedays the pain is as raw…

I didn't realize just how angry I still am until today. My husband and I went to breakfast this morning as we do every Sunday. I was watching his face and the his facial expression changed. I know when this happens he's thinking about something that's bothering him. As I always do I asked him what he was thinking. He said he was thinking about when the boys were still alive. We started talking about all the terrible things that happened after Lil Del died. Then it all came flashing back. I…

Plato once said that humans are like people stuck in a cave looking at shadows on a wall believing  the shadows are real, but they're just things getting in front of the light.

When you lose a child you become so sad, and full of pain that you become afraid of the light so you go into the dark. I was so afraid of the light after my little boy was killed that I didn't want anything to do with the light. I was so afraid of what would happen if I let the light in. I lived in darkness for…