Vedi, I am so sorry for you loss. Losing your sister so quickly is so very hard. You have a long road ahead of you, please don't do it alone. It helps to talk about it, get mad and angry at the same time. Find help for yourself, your sister would not want you to be in emotional pain. Now if I can take my own advice, I would be getting better. Love and hugs to you and your family.
Vedi, I totally understand your comment, "I will never why this had to happen. I just keep hoping that this is a nightmare that I will eventually wake up from but everyday I wake up to reality and I become more depressed".
I too believe part of me will never truly believe that my sister is gone forever. Part of me believes that she will call me up wanting to bitch about that "stupid boy" she was dating. (Who didnt show up to her memorial).
I ask Sarah to come to me in my dreams ever so often so I can talk to her like old times. Soon after she passed, I would have dreams that she was still alive and I would talk to her about the time in the hospital and ask her questions (like if she could hear me talking to her or the people that came to visit). It was quite comforting to hear her true self come out in these dreams as well as completely creepy to try to explain why she was in the hospital or that she had died.
Thank you Stephanie and Lauren for your kind and comforting thoughts. You know every day has its challenges. Sometimes, I dont't even know if I am feeling the appropriate feelings. Sometimes, I have to put myself in check when I happen to be experiencing any other emotions other than grief and then I feel so guilty. Does this happen to you all as well? The first few weeks after mys sister passed, I relied heavily on dreams and tried to find meanings in them. Stephanie, like you the first dream I had of my sister was of me telling her that she was going to die and she was crying, repeating that she did not want to die...my imagination went crazy with this one. Isn't it something that we no longer hold on to physical things when a person passes on but on intangible things such as memories and dreams? Do you think that our sisters miss us as much as we miss them?
Oh Vedi I am so sure they miss us JUST as much as we miss them, but in my heart, I know my sister Tracey is living the ultimate life or that is what I tell myself. Unlike you and Stephanie, I only had one dream of my sister in the past 3 years and it kills me. Nothing great, just that she was in a room with me and was wearing yellow, her favorite color. I wish I could say it's going to get better, it does, I don't cry every hour anymore, but it is a long process and something you shouldn't do alone. I have been doing it alone for 3 years and my life has stopped. I am depressed, no motivation, I don't enjoy the things I use to enjoy, and much don't enjoy anything. I have two boys that rely on me and I can't even help them when needed. Vedi, please talk to someone, talk this out with someone that can help you get through this very painful time. As for the "physical" things, after my sister passed away, I went into her house and took mostly everything. (Her husband is a, well lets leave it at that) Her clothes, kitchenware, furniture is something that I look at everyday and it's like I am holding on to her that way. Maybe she will come back for it :) I want to give you all a group hug! Our sisters will forever live in our hearts and in our memories and no one can ever take that away.
Im loving this conversation that we have going! Its so comforting to read that Im not alone with some of my thoughts and feelings. Vedi, I too felt the same way when it came to feeling any other feelings other than grief. I know my sister definitely would have wanted me to to grieve her because, well, that's just how she was =) (I just had to correct myself from saying that is just how she is, to was). But at some point our sisters would want us to move on. For the past two years I think I subconsciously put my life on hold in fear of feeling guilty moving on with life with Sarah couldnt. But then I realized I had things I wanted to do before I die and what good would it do it BOTH of us didnt reach our goals before dying.
As far as the "physical memories", I've kept everything that reminds me of my sister. I let some close family members come by while packing her belongings to come pick out what they wanted. Anything else I donated (which was nice because Salvation Army actually came by and picked up the donations instead of me worrying about another thing to pack up in my car). My boyfriend gives me a hard time because of all the things I own now. Not only did my sister pass away 2 years ago, but my mother passed away about 8 years ago so I have A LOT of memories I've kept.
One thing I've recently came across was carrying around crystals with me. I spoke to a crystal reader a couple of weeks ago and she sensed my issues Ive been dealing with right away. Her recommendations:
Grief - Obsidian, Apache Tears, Black Tourmaline, Clear Quartz Health & Motivation - Water Melon Tourmaline, Blood Stone, Lapis, Labradorite, Carnelian, Turquoise.
I found a local store that carried crystals and stopped by. $15 later I have some new and beautiful crystals that I wear in a velvet bag close to my heart. Since I've been carrying these around, I have finally started feeling like my old self. It's been over 2 years since I could even come close to making a statement like that. I hope this info can help anyone out that may be looking for an alternative way to dealing with grief.
The crystals are a great idea, thanks. I can't tell you both how much it means to me that you understand what I'm going through. Speaking of things we hold onto that reminds us of our sisters, I have this necklace with a turtle pendant that I wear that belonged to my sister. She was active in the Leatherback Turtle Conservation in South America at one point of her life. I wear it when I want to feel her close by. I also wore a pair of her socks for the first time the other day at my son's first concert where he played the violin in a county orchestra. I felt that she would have liked to be there and hear him play. It was so emotional for me that day. After she died, my mother and I packed her stuff up, mostly her clothes and shipped them down to Louisiana. I still have two suitcases with her stuff, unopened with me in NY. My sister lived in Yukon, so many of her things including her house remains there with her boyfriend. I can't bear to go through her things that I brought back yet. The suitcases remain unopened. I have attempted to but it is just too painful to do.
You know, I think alot about my purpose here on earth these days. I am trying to believe that my sister had completed what she had set out to do in her life. Maybe, we haven't. We need to put one foot in front of the other (even if they are baby steps) and persevere somehow. I think our sisters would want us to.
I have never been a spiritual person, I'm the kind of person who needs to see or experience some sort of scientific proof in order to believe something. Now my life changed so drastically. I find that I'm trying to read every possible book out there on spirituality and life after death in the hopes of understanding all of this.
I had a dream last night with my sister in it. For the first time since she has passed, she wasnt "alive" in my dream. We both knew she was a spirit, but I could hug her. She was in her old room in the house we grew up in. There was no furniture in her room and I just happened to peak in the room because there was a light on. When I opened the door and saw her, I got so excited, ran up to her, and hugged her. I asked her if she was able to see us (meaning my family) and she said yes. Then I asked if her seeing us was like how we watch TV? Weird question, but I guess that is how my subconscious thinks of spirits watching over us...being able to tune in. Gives a whole new meaning to reality TV =)
I was kinda sad when I woke up when I realized that she was no longer "alive"in my dreams, but I have to admit that it was nice not to have to skirt around the issue while talking to her.
I know this may be weird, but....I did not lose my sister deathwise....I have lost her in a different way....at the time when I needed her most, she wasnt there....when my mom died, she didnt come to the funeral, she didnt help with the arrangements, she left everything to me....she is a callous person.....she was estranged from my mother, but she is just inhumane, so its a double loss....I don't know how people can be so sickeningly uncaring, about her own mother??? one day it will all hit her, and I wont be there for sure....the whole thing just makes me so sick
she even said "why should I contribute when I will get nothing out of it" can you believe that? she wanted to benefit from my mom's passing? what kind of person does that....its just sick....I just have to state how I feel
Rachel, you are right, you have lost your sister, but not physically. I suggest you talk to her no matter how hard it is and get everything out in the open. She may be fighting her own battles that you don't know about. either way, it's going to have to be a face to face discussion. You won't feel better until you do. I am sorry about your mother.
thanks Lauren...my mom's death has just been more than devastating....the way my sister acted, was just like my mom was nothing, when she was such a special person....I have talked to my sister and got nowhere, it just made it worse....she is just a very selfish, uncaring person, and I know there are people out there like that....my sister is still physically here, yes, I just mean the sister I knew and her actions, thats NOT my sister, I am sure you understand....its a loss of a different kind....my sister lives in another state, and I'm not well enough for her to come here, and I'm too upset about her actions to see her....I need to be as calm as possible, it doesnt benefit me to get even more upset....too much grief lately....thanks Lauren :)
why is god pushish me by take my sister from me. my sister and family move here from michagan to washingston state . she here for 8 month and when she went to heaven ad left me here by my self. i dont know what how if i want to live without her. we was very close linda
i have not lost my sister physically, she is still here, but have lost her emotionally, she wont even talk to me, its sad....somehow i just try and accept it....rachel
Finally I found a group where I can share my thoughts about losing a sister, I can't really explain to anyone how PAINFUL it is to have lost my sister whom I also consider my best friend.I miss her every single day I'm living now. :( She died last July 17, 2011, she's just 29 yrs old. she left us with a beautiful 6 month-old baby girl. The only thing in mind that consoles me right now, is that, she is free of pain. she's with our creator and we have now a gorgeous angel looking after us especially to my pretty niece.
I googled on "losing your sister" and found this site and I'm glad. I was thinking, people seem to comprehend when you lose a spouse or a child or even a parent, but not a sibling. But darn it all, it's a big deal to lose your sister :-( A HUGE deal.
I was very close to my sister and we are both single, never married, no kids, and we are all we had. And now I don't have her, any more... not in this life.
And I haven't figured out what to do, knowing that. My Sundays are quiet, now... no phone calls from Val. When I have something scary or fun or exciting or stressful to tell her about... she's not there. When I see something I want to buy for her... I can't.
It's harder now than when I first lost her a month ago and I realize that's how it goes. It'll be harder at the holidays and birthdays, too. I just wanted to say it out loud somewhere.
Elena and Teresa my heart goes out to both of you, July 31st was the 1 year anniversary of my sisters passing. She was 27 years old and had a 3 year old little girl that my mom is raising. Losing a sister is like losing a part of yourself, and you aren't sure what to fill that part with. I am sad that other people have to join this group that no one wants to be a part of, but it is great to have support. Lots of Love to everyone shedding tears today.
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my younger sister last July 7, 2010, she died suddenly in her sleep. She had been going to the doctor for two months complaining about shortness of breath, they sent her for a few test everything came up ok. A week before she died she went to the office and insisted on a stress test, they schedule it for July 7, 2010 at 11:00 am, she was found dead in the morning. She left two young children 9 and 10, I was so broken hearted. The shock of it was so overwhelming I was in a fog for that whole month going over and over it in my head, wishing it was a dream every morning I woke up. She was my best friend, I cried every day and night for at least 4 months, to this day I find myself reduced to tears often. I found writing a letter to her helped me with my goodbye's and any other regrets I was carrying. I also started a memorial page online Catholic Memorials and I visit it often. I know I will never get over losing her, however I must get through it. I believe I will see her again and that gives me a little hope. I also did a lot of reading on the grief process, what to expect even though it is not my first significant loss, I loss my mom and day in the last 8 years but this was so different. They both were sick and in some way you expect to bury your parents, but your younger sibling in the prime of her life was very devastating. Your loss is very new and also unexpected, try to share your feelings with someone who will understand, if that is not possible journal your feelings it really does help alot. I will keep you in my prayers, hope I helped you a little.
I lost my sister less than 30 days ago. So many people do not understand what it is like to lose a sibling. She always said she would never live to see 50 and she died on August 17, 2011 a month before her 50th birthday. To make it even worse I am Jewish and this Saturday ends the first month of mourning which is a big thing. My sister's name was Sharon and I was the baby sister but always took care of her. Even though I live in Israel and she was in the US for the last 9 years our bond was so strong. So many times she was supposed to move in with me. She developed ARDS in 2009 note she was an extremely bad asthmatic and it was amazing she survived the ARDS. (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.) The last 8 months she suffered on and off ventilation never home. She was divorced no children. She said to me on the Saturday before she died "Why did you fly in" I told her that she was my sister and I would always be there for her. She then said you know "I may not die but if do dont stop it. She just gave up she could not fight it anymore. I wear something of her everyday a piece of jewelry use her eye glass case. My sister loved to collect pigs cookie jars ceramic whatever I now have pigs all over my house. I miss her so much. She is never going to be around to see my kids grow up or be old with me. I feel like a piece of my hear died.
I am new so I dont know if I posted in the right place has anyone felt that when their sister dies so does a part of the parents? I feel so lost My husband lost his father but just does not get it. I am 44 my sister was 49 she should of been 50. I feel as if my heart is torn in half, My email is f_azut@yahoo.com
I'm kylie this is all new to me, my sister passed away 3weeks ago.I still don't believe that this has happened,she wasn't sick it was due to a lack of medical care so the shock & loss i feel is so extreme i am totally lost in how i feel ..My sister was only 23yrs old,the saddness i feel is so extreme i really am scared to think i will have to feel this pain for the rest of my life..People tell me you have your memories & tell me your sister wouldn't want you to give up, but i feel i have lost a piece of myself & i will never have that back ever & all i want is her back.. i love her so much & i don't know how i will live without her..
Beneat the ancient apricot,beside the yellow heirloom rose,I laid my little sister sweet,into eternal hushed repose.And in this secret place I made,the grave was known to me alone.To keep her from those shadowed eyes,those wolves that took her from her home.In fading light,just her and I,here in this place where we had grown.Just her and I,one on each side,and now just waiting all alone.
thankyou denice.I'm so glad I found this group.a place where I can express my loss,and hopefully help to comfort others who are also hurting.take care:)
Today I sit at work, trying not to think so much about my sister. But it's very hard. Who known or who thinks something like this could happen. I hear her voice everyday in my head, trying not to forget it and her big loud crazy laugh:) LOL. I don't know how to put into words how close we were. We are the only family we have. I think now what am I going to do now. I blame myself sometimes, thinking if I called her that night she could still be here. we talked everyday. Asking myself why she didn't fight harder to stay with me. She knew were all we had, was eachother, now what. I just want to hold her and tell her I love her more than anything in the world and she is the best sister I could ever have. Hoping she knows how much I adored her from birth. I prayed for a sister for a long time, at first all i had was brothers. Than she finally came. Best day of my life. Sometimes i feel like I am drowning and I think to myself honsetly if I didn't have my kids I would leave this earth and be with her. But I have my kids to think about and have to stay for.This week on sunday 02/19/12 at 8:30pm she will have been gone for 1mth. 1mth since I heard her voice and it just means more and more time will past with out her. I think is still possible, could this be really true. I't can't she will call and tell it was the worst joke she could ever play on me. But nothing happens. I can't put into words how much i miss her, need her or love her. Jackie is my baby, not only is she my sister, she is like my baby. I raised her when our mother left her. So I lost my baby and sister. My stomach is in knots. Jackie I want you to come back. But you haven't, the phone hasn't rung and you are on the other end. Love you always and forever.
Mimi I read your words and they echo my life now without my wonderful sister...I lost my bestest part of me my soulmate....it is coming to 9 months and still same....I turned to faith first but now for some reason I can't get any solace there - I cannot pray no more.. I feel I do not want anything to do with god....I hope there is a place after we all leave as I am so desperate to be with her but deep down I am not a believer... I just want to have more life with her...it is a selfish though rather than a real faith...so no comfort really...
if not for my kids I would like to sleep for ever and go....I desperately miss her so much...still every day every minute... I feel her loss everywhere I go and look...
Hi Felicia here last time I commented was a month after my sister died. It has now been a little over 6 months and I feel like I am running on a tredmill to get away from feelings of pain. I am at work I have pictures of her I watch her video and think of her all the time. So hard because my husband lost his mother and father last year as well. I feel so alone in my grief. I have no other siblings. My husband has 6 my sister had no children I have two. Mimi I want to tell you I close my eyes and try to hear her voice. It is so hard to be with out them. I understand your grief. I feel very selfish running run not spending as much time as I can should with my family. I miss her so much her memorial is in August I am Jewish so we have a memorial after a year. I feel the loss when I speak to my parents. My mother has lost so much it is a hurt so deep to see yhour parents lose a child.
Hi Sherry my name is Libby I lost my Sister in a car wreck. also my sister in law to Cancer. I have lost many people in my life and have too much experience with grief. Please know that your not alone there are others who are going through the same thing, It sounds like you do not have as much experience in Losing someone if I could offer a few words of advice you said you fight back the tears in order to be strong someone you loved has died you were strong for her when she was here sherry it's ok not to be strong now you need to feel your pain the longer you avoid it the longer it takes to work through it, please allow your selves to feel what you feel don't think you should feel any certan way just know your grief is very personal it is yours and no one else's and how ever you feel is fine. One thing I have definetly learned from too many losses is how personel each person's life and death is, please try not to feel like you are partly responsible for her loss like you could have done more her journey in this life was her own she wanted you to be a part of that and it sounds like you had a wonderful friendship. I truly believe that we all come here to experience those things we wish to and when we have our time is done.I am sorry for your loss and hope the memory of having what sounds like such a true friend in your life comforts you through this difficult time.
I lost my 18 year old baby sister in a car accident on August 25 of last year. She had just graduated high school and was moving to go to the same college as me, we always dreamed about sharing that part of our future together. I had so many big plans for us. I feel like I am so lost now, I have many people that want to talk to me and see me but I just want my sister. She is my best friend. My go to person for anything and it's so hard for me now because I am just forced to do things on my own now.
I also struggle so much watching the way my parents are now. I just wish everything could go back to normal but I know it never will. I try everyday to stay strong. I graduated from college in may on dean's list and everyone seems to think it is some big accomplishment and I just feel like what else was I supposed to do. I try to hide it but I am miserable every second of the day, and I don't know who to turn to.
Hi julie, i am so sorry for your loss .it is the worst thing in life to feel the loss of someone you love..As strange as this may sound next month on the 25th august will be one of the worst days of my life as well my baby sister would be 24years old & its the first birthday she will not be here with us... on this day i will think of you as well as my sister... takecare of yourself..xx
Hello everyone. I lost my beautiful older sister, 37 years, in a tragic scooter accident that took her life in an instant. This happened a little over three weeks ago. I am just trying to figure out how one even attempts to move past this grief. I am completely heartbroken. She was my biggest fan and the best friend I ever had. I know I must go on and choose happiness, as that is what she would have wanted. I just don't exactly know how to do that. She was too young. It's just so unfair.
Hi Erin,it is hard & if you are one of these people that can deal with grief by chooseing to find happiness i take my hat of to you.. its been nearly 11months since i have seen my sister & everyday i wake up & hope it was a nightmare as it still feels untrue to me.sometimes i think was she ever here cause as time goes on she gets further away from me & it feels like im loseing her all over again then my pain starts all over again..
Hi every one .... I tragically lost my sister this may i am totally heartbroken we were so close people say we were like twins i was also 5 months pregnant when this happened i am due in 3 weeks and finding to extremley difficult to eat sleep anything i keep thinking she will come back :( i cant bare to carry on with out her i dont see any of my friends and can really only bare to be around my mum and dad :( My mum isint coping well and my dad doesnt talk about my sister she has a little boy too who we hardly see any more as his dad isint the nicest of people ... They both lived with us and know they are both gone i feel myself getting worse and worse and feel i wont be able to cope when the baby is here :( my heart goes out to any 1 who has lost a sister i know how hard it is :( xxx
Just wanted to say hey, I'm new. I just lost my little sister 18 days ago within 24 hours. We still don't even know why, it was blood clots like doctors had never seen in a 15 year old. I'm so angry and confused. I can hardly even read this stuff in this group but I need ideas on how to grieve because I feel myself bottling it up. I don't want to go to the cemetery, I don't want to think or talk about it. It's like I don't believe it. I'm also 12 weeks pregnant, I see I'm not alone with this situation. I had joined these mommy/pregnancy forums and see everyone so excited, happy, and bubbly preparing for their babies. I am just not in that state of mind right now, not anymore.
hello back.. I am back here lurking just wanted to offer a hug to all... I miss my sister every day ... I still more than 15 months now cannot comprehend why she is not here... finding hard to have a life without her at most of times.. I know the feeling you are describing the pain is still here and will never go away... I though I share with you that there are times i feel she is looking after me and is sending me signs... too many odd things happening but most of all I had a baby girl that was due right on her birthday and ended up getting born a week after on easter sundays she was a week overdue.. I named her after my little sister... she is my gift from my wonderful sister to keep me going as I was so ready to pack it in...I am still in agony I cannot share this with her as I know she always wanted a baby girl .. My sister was the greatest auntie and would have loved my little girl.. I feel it is not coincidence.. we were talking about it then next day she was gone and now I have a baby...there are moments of some rays of happiness but the waves of pain always come back. I miss her so much... she was my besets friend... to my mind I still think maybe she is on long holiday and always get shocked when I realized I can no longer call her...I et flashbacks all the time... I want her back desperately... You know the feelings .....
I know what you feel Nadia. Sometimes I pick up the phone to say oh I need to tell my sister the news, then i fall back into reality and realize she is gone.
Some many moments I am like I have to call her and let her know about sg that happen in my day when it sticks me that I cannot do this... I have kept her phone and look at her Skype account... I cannot believe she is not here with me... sometimes I think it may be hard for people to understand my pain... having a family of my own DOES NOT MEAN I CAN MOVE ON... She is my family the person I few up with and knows me better than anyone else... so sorry we are all here.... hugs
Hi everyone, its been 13 months since i last seen my sister i hate saying she died or passed away..i hate even thinking about it.my pain has not gone away it is always there & i have come to realise it will always be with me i lost a person i loved so why would i not want to feel that..this group has helped me say what i feel as i can't tell my family & friends its good to know i am not alone in how i feel .i hope everyone is doing the best that they can as that is all you can do in these moments of grief..xx
I lost my sister almost a year ago this week.and i still keep thinking i need to call and tell her what's going on with my husbands cancer.we used to talk all the time.
I lost my little sister. Andraya was a beautiful gift from god. We adopted her into our family whenshe was only 3 days old, and at the age of 8, it was like I got my very own living doll. Growing up, because of our age difference, we did not always see eye to eye (literally and figuratively) but I loved her with every fiber of my body because she was such a specail and unique girl. She had a rough go through her teenage years, but for the last few years, she was coming into her own, building houses with my father. When she was 16, she met a boy. He was a few years older than herself, but when we saw them together for the first time, my parents and I knew that she was done, that she had found the one that she was going to be with for the rest of her life. She was becoming a beautful and compassionate young woman and we were starting to get to know one another more. The best day of my life was on August 3, 2013 when I was my sister's maid of honour at her wedding to her long term beau. Then...a short 19 days later, my little sister was killed in a head on collision. She was only 21 years old. The other driver was 17 and was texting and driving. She got away with it with no reprocussions. Meanwhile, I have lost my gift from god, and I am so incredibly sad. I am trying to come to terms with the foreverness of the situation....that I will never see her smile in person again, and I will never hear her laugh, and I will never feel her arm around me again as I did on her wedding day when she hugged me for the photos. My heart is broken and although I have been having a lot of good days, today I feel broken and unable to cope. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears and wondering why....why her? Why did god have to take back his gift so soon? Why was she not able to live a long and happy life? I know I will never get the answers to my questions, and even if I did, it would not bring her back. I just feel so broken today.
I don't know how to express this so that it is meaningful and respectful but after reading several posts I want to say I am jealous of what you all have lost. and I'm suggesting that you try to avoid taking for granted that you ever had it in the first place. there were no guarantees, every day you get with someone you love and loves you back is a gift. everyone assumes it's a given to quarrel but underneath it all, to be tight with your family. but it's not a given. my younger sister never considered my feelings or needs, she couldn't, she was too broken to. we have had a one way relationship for all of her life where she has caused me more emotional and financial pain than anything else on this earth could have. But I still feel the grief of her pain. So even though I never received anything but torture from her, I still have the pain associated with her suffering. So that is why I hope you recognize that even if your sisters were your worst nightmare you would probably still be in so much pain. So the fact that they were your closest friend, etc, is something to be celebrated completely aside from your grief. At least she gave you those memories, albeit cut short.
I lost my only sister almost three years ago. And the pain is still like it was yesterday. I can't seem to come to grips with it. It's like everyone has moved on, but I'm stuck. Everything reminds me of her. I don't ever want to forget her, but I do wish I could learn to cope with it.
My sister died 3 weeks ago. I can't even believe I'm writing those words. How on earth does anyone move on from grief this intense? She was 22 years old and my world. I think I'm still in shock/denial. I cry for hours at a time and am numb for hours at a time. Waking up every morning is horrific. If anyone has any words of comfort please share them with me. x
My sister will be gone 2 years on Saturday. It is surreal to think that it has been 2 years since i heard her laugh, saw her smile, and talked to her. She was killed in a head on collision at the age of 21 and every day my heart breaks that she did not get to live her life. She had just been married a couple weeks earlier and it devastates me on a daily basis. RIp my dear little sister...I miss you every day.
I lost my sister on April 23 2015 and it kills me I am so sad all the time and I miss her so much it is like a nightmare for me I wish I could wake up from it R.I.P joy she was 36 I wish I could turn back time and help her and she would be here and not gone
It's been a little over 2 weeks since I lost my older sister and I can't even believe I'm talking about her death. I am still in shock/disbelief and am numb. I can't move forward, can't go back. I have nothing to look forward to anymore as any plans always included her. We were best friends, she was always there to help me and now I'm alone. I just can not believe she is gone. I want to die, because I don't think I will ever be able to lead a productive life alongside this heartbreaking grief. So for me, it's like life is worth nothing now. I just miss talking to her so much. I feel like I"m suffocating with the need to see and and talk to her again. It doesn't feel real, yet it is my waking nightmare forever.
It has been a year now. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, other times I want to remember the sound of her voice and can't. nothing is the same, everyday I wonder why this had to happen. I Am glad to be through the first Christmas, thanksgiving, birthday. I am hoping the ache lessens but the memories bring more joy.
Lauren Bosi
Jan 21, 2011
Stephanie
Vedi, I totally understand your comment, "I will never why this had to happen. I just keep hoping that this is a nightmare that I will eventually wake up from but everyday I wake up to reality and I become more depressed".
I too believe part of me will never truly believe that my sister is gone forever. Part of me believes that she will call me up wanting to bitch about that "stupid boy" she was dating. (Who didnt show up to her memorial).
I ask Sarah to come to me in my dreams ever so often so I can talk to her like old times. Soon after she passed, I would have dreams that she was still alive and I would talk to her about the time in the hospital and ask her questions (like if she could hear me talking to her or the people that came to visit). It was quite comforting to hear her true self come out in these dreams as well as completely creepy to try to explain why she was in the hospital or that she had died.
Ahh, still doesnt feel real when I type it.
Jan 21, 2011
Vedi R
Jan 24, 2011
Lauren Bosi
Jan 24, 2011
Stephanie
Vedi and Lauren,
Im loving this conversation that we have going! Its so comforting to read that Im not alone with some of my thoughts and feelings. Vedi, I too felt the same way when it came to feeling any other feelings other than grief. I know my sister definitely would have wanted me to to grieve her because, well, that's just how she was =) (I just had to correct myself from saying that is just how she is, to was). But at some point our sisters would want us to move on. For the past two years I think I subconsciously put my life on hold in fear of feeling guilty moving on with life with Sarah couldnt. But then I realized I had things I wanted to do before I die and what good would it do it BOTH of us didnt reach our goals before dying.
As far as the "physical memories", I've kept everything that reminds me of my sister. I let some close family members come by while packing her belongings to come pick out what they wanted. Anything else I donated (which was nice because Salvation Army actually came by and picked up the donations instead of me worrying about another thing to pack up in my car). My boyfriend gives me a hard time because of all the things I own now. Not only did my sister pass away 2 years ago, but my mother passed away about 8 years ago so I have A LOT of memories I've kept.
One thing I've recently came across was carrying around crystals with me. I spoke to a crystal reader a couple of weeks ago and she sensed my issues Ive been dealing with right away. Her recommendations:
Grief - Obsidian, Apache Tears, Black Tourmaline, Clear Quartz
Health & Motivation - Water Melon Tourmaline, Blood Stone, Lapis,
Labradorite, Carnelian, Turquoise.
I found a local store that carried crystals and stopped by. $15 later I have some new and beautiful crystals that I wear in a velvet bag close to my heart. Since I've been carrying these around, I have finally started feeling like my old self. It's been over 2 years since I could even come close to making a statement like that. I hope this info can help anyone out that may be looking for an alternative way to dealing with grief.
Jan 25, 2011
Vedi R
The crystals are a great idea, thanks. I can't tell you both how much it means to me that you understand what I'm going through. Speaking of things we hold onto that reminds us of our sisters, I have this necklace with a turtle pendant that I wear that belonged to my sister. She was active in the Leatherback Turtle Conservation in South America at one point of her life. I wear it when I want to feel her close by. I also wore a pair of her socks for the first time the other day at my son's first concert where he played the violin in a county orchestra. I felt that she would have liked to be there and hear him play. It was so emotional for me that day. After she died, my mother and I packed her stuff up, mostly her clothes and shipped them down to Louisiana. I still have two suitcases with her stuff, unopened with me in NY. My sister lived in Yukon, so many of her things including her house remains there with her boyfriend. I can't bear to go through her things that I brought back yet. The suitcases remain unopened. I have attempted to but it is just too painful to do.
You know, I think alot about my purpose here on earth these days. I am trying to believe that my sister had completed what she had set out to do in her life. Maybe, we haven't. We need to put one foot in front of the other (even if they are baby steps) and persevere somehow. I think our sisters would want us to.
I have never been a spiritual person, I'm the kind of person who needs to see or experience some sort of scientific proof in order to believe something. Now my life changed so drastically. I find that I'm trying to read every possible book out there on spirituality and life after death in the hopes of understanding all of this.
Jan 25, 2011
Stephanie
Jan 27, 2011
Stephanie
I had a dream last night with my sister in it. For the first time since she has passed, she wasnt "alive" in my dream. We both knew she was a spirit, but I could hug her. She was in her old room in the house we grew up in. There was no furniture in her room and I just happened to peak in the room because there was a light on. When I opened the door and saw her, I got so excited, ran up to her, and hugged her. I asked her if she was able to see us (meaning my family) and she said yes. Then I asked if her seeing us was like how we watch TV? Weird question, but I guess that is how my subconscious thinks of spirits watching over us...being able to tune in. Gives a whole new meaning to reality TV =)
I was kinda sad when I woke up when I realized that she was no longer
"alive"in my dreams, but I have to admit that it was nice not to have to skirt around the issue while talking to her.
I hope everyone is doing well!
Jan 31, 2011
Rachel Lynn Schuler
Feb 5, 2011
Rachel Lynn Schuler
Feb 5, 2011
Lauren Bosi
Feb 5, 2011
Rachel Lynn Schuler
Feb 5, 2011
Vedi R
Feb 19, 2011
Linda Gabrial
why is god pushish me by take my sister from me. my sister and family move here from michagan to washingston state . she here for 8 month and when she went to heaven ad left me here by my self. i dont know what how if i want to live without her. we was very close linda
Apr 12, 2011
Rachel Lynn Schuler
Jul 1, 2011
Elena F.
Jul 31, 2011
Teresa H
I googled on "losing your sister" and found this site and I'm glad. I was thinking, people seem to comprehend when you lose a spouse or a child or even a parent, but not a sibling. But darn it all, it's a big deal to lose your sister :-( A HUGE deal.
I was very close to my sister and we are both single, never married, no kids, and we are all we had. And now I don't have her, any more... not in this life.
And I haven't figured out what to do, knowing that. My Sundays are quiet, now... no phone calls from Val. When I have something scary or fun or exciting or stressful to tell her about... she's not there. When I see something I want to buy for her... I can't.
It's harder now than when I first lost her a month ago and I realize that's how it goes. It'll be harder at the holidays and birthdays, too. I just wanted to say it out loud somewhere.
Thanks for being here.
Aug 4, 2011
Stephanie
Aug 4, 2011
Denise Murphy
Hi Barbara,
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my younger sister last July 7, 2010, she died suddenly in her sleep. She had been going to the doctor for two months complaining about shortness of breath, they sent her for a few test everything came up ok. A week before she died she went to the office and insisted on a stress test, they schedule it for July 7, 2010 at 11:00 am, she was found dead in the morning. She left two young children 9 and 10, I was so broken hearted. The shock of it was so overwhelming I was in a fog for that whole month going over and over it in my head, wishing it was a dream every morning I woke up. She was my best friend, I cried every day and night for at least 4 months, to this day I find myself reduced to tears often. I found writing a letter to her helped me with my goodbye's and any other regrets I was carrying. I also started a memorial page online Catholic Memorials and I visit it often. I know I will never get over losing her, however I must get through it. I believe I will see her again and that gives me a little hope. I also did a lot of reading on the grief process, what to expect even though it is not my first significant loss, I loss my mom and day in the last 8 years but this was so different. They both were sick and in some way you expect to bury your parents, but your younger sibling in the prime of her life was very devastating. Your loss is very new and also unexpected, try to share your feelings with someone who will understand, if that is not possible journal your feelings it really does help alot. I will keep you in my prayers, hope I helped you a little.
God Bless,
Denise
Sep 1, 2011
Felicia Azut
Sep 25, 2011
Felicia Azut
Sep 25, 2011
kylie anne
I'm kylie this is all new to me, my sister passed away 3weeks ago.I still don't believe that this has happened,she wasn't sick it was due to a lack of medical care so the shock & loss i feel is so extreme i am totally lost in how i feel ..My sister was only 23yrs old,the saddness i feel is so extreme i really am scared to think i will have to feel this pain for the rest of my life..People tell me you have your memories & tell me your sister wouldn't want you to give up, but i feel i have lost a piece of myself & i will never have that back ever & all i want is her back.. i love her so much & i don't know how i will live without her..
Oct 12, 2011
Lisa S.
Beneat the ancient apricot,beside the yellow heirloom rose,I laid my little sister sweet,into eternal hushed repose.And in this secret place I made,the grave was known to me alone.To keep her from those shadowed eyes,those wolves that took her from her home.In fading light,just her and I,here in this place where we had grown.Just her and I,one on each side,and now just waiting all alone.
Feb 11, 2012
Lisa S.
thankyou denice.I'm so glad I found this group.a place where I can express my loss,and hopefully help to comfort others who are also hurting.take care:)
Feb 11, 2012
Mimi Giovanni
Today I sit at work, trying not to think so much about my sister. But it's very hard. Who known or who thinks something like this could happen. I hear her voice everyday in my head, trying not to forget it and her big loud crazy laugh:) LOL. I don't know how to put into words how close we were. We are the only family we have. I think now what am I going to do now. I blame myself sometimes, thinking if I called her that night she could still be here. we talked everyday. Asking myself why she didn't fight harder to stay with me. She knew were all we had, was eachother, now what. I just want to hold her and tell her I love her more than anything in the world and she is the best sister I could ever have. Hoping she knows how much I adored her from birth. I prayed for a sister for a long time, at first all i had was brothers. Than she finally came. Best day of my life. Sometimes i feel like I am drowning and I think to myself honsetly if I didn't have my kids I would leave this earth and be with her. But I have my kids to think about and have to stay for.This week on sunday 02/19/12 at 8:30pm she will have been gone for 1mth. 1mth since I heard her voice and it just means more and more time will past with out her. I think is still possible, could this be really true. I't can't she will call and tell it was the worst joke she could ever play on me. But nothing happens. I can't put into words how much i miss her, need her or love her. Jackie is my baby, not only is she my sister, she is like my baby. I raised her when our mother left her. So I lost my baby and sister. My stomach is in knots. Jackie I want you to come back. But you haven't, the phone hasn't rung and you are on the other end. Love you always and forever.
Feb 15, 2012
nadia
Mimi I read your words and they echo my life now without my wonderful sister...I lost my bestest part of me my soulmate....it is coming to 9 months and still same....I turned to faith first but now for some reason I can't get any solace there - I cannot pray no more.. I feel I do not want anything to do with god....I hope there is a place after we all leave as I am so desperate to be with her but deep down I am not a believer... I just want to have more life with her...it is a selfish though rather than a real faith...so no comfort really...
if not for my kids I would like to sleep for ever and go....I desperately miss her so much...still every day every minute... I feel her loss everywhere I go and look...
Feb 16, 2012
Lisa S.
a song for a lost sister http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAQsEkvrQe4
Feb 18, 2012
Felicia Azut
Hi Felicia here last time I commented was a month after my sister died. It has now been a little over 6 months and I feel like I am running on a tredmill to get away from feelings of pain. I am at work I have pictures of her I watch her video and think of her all the time. So hard because my husband lost his mother and father last year as well. I feel so alone in my grief. I have no other siblings. My husband has 6 my sister had no children I have two. Mimi I want to tell you I close my eyes and try to hear her voice. It is so hard to be with out them. I understand your grief. I feel very selfish running run not spending as much time as I can should with my family. I miss her so much her memorial is in August I am Jewish so we have a memorial after a year. I feel the loss when I speak to my parents. My mother has lost so much it is a hurt so deep to see yhour parents lose a child.
Feb 19, 2012
Elizabeth Welch
Hi Sherry my name is Libby I lost my Sister in a car wreck. also my sister in law to Cancer. I have lost many people in my life and have too much experience with grief. Please know that your not alone there are others who are going through the same thing, It sounds like you do not have as much experience in Losing someone if I could offer a few words of advice you said you fight back the tears in order to be strong someone you loved has died you were strong for her when she was here sherry it's ok not to be strong now you need to feel your pain the longer you avoid it the longer it takes to work through it, please allow your selves to feel what you feel don't think you should feel any certan way just know your grief is very personal it is yours and no one else's and how ever you feel is fine. One thing I have definetly learned from too many losses is how personel each person's life and death is, please try not to feel like you are partly responsible for her loss like you could have done more her journey in this life was her own she wanted you to be a part of that and it sounds like you had a wonderful friendship. I truly believe that we all come here to experience those things we wish to and when we have our time is done.I am sorry for your loss and hope the memory of having what sounds like such a true friend in your life comforts you through this difficult time.
Apr 9, 2012
Julie
I lost my 18 year old baby sister in a car accident on August 25 of last year. She had just graduated high school and was moving to go to the same college as me, we always dreamed about sharing that part of our future together. I had so many big plans for us. I feel like I am so lost now, I have many people that want to talk to me and see me but I just want my sister. She is my best friend. My go to person for anything and it's so hard for me now because I am just forced to do things on my own now.
I also struggle so much watching the way my parents are now. I just wish everything could go back to normal but I know it never will. I try everyday to stay strong. I graduated from college in may on dean's list and everyone seems to think it is some big accomplishment and I just feel like what else was I supposed to do. I try to hide it but I am miserable every second of the day, and I don't know who to turn to.
Jun 29, 2012
kylie anne
Hi julie, i am so sorry for your loss .it is the worst thing in life to feel the loss of someone you love..As strange as this may sound next month on the 25th august will be one of the worst days of my life as well my baby sister would be 24years old & its the first birthday she will not be here with us... on this day i will think of you as well as my sister... takecare of yourself..xx
Jul 25, 2012
Erin Elliott
Hello everyone. I lost my beautiful older sister, 37 years, in a tragic scooter accident that took her life in an instant. This happened a little over three weeks ago. I am just trying to figure out how one even attempts to move past this grief. I am completely heartbroken. She was my biggest fan and the best friend I ever had. I know I must go on and choose happiness, as that is what she would have wanted. I just don't exactly know how to do that. She was too young. It's just so unfair.
Aug 9, 2012
kylie anne
Hi Erin,it is hard & if you are one of these people that can deal with grief by chooseing to find happiness i take my hat of to you.. its been nearly 11months since i have seen my sister & everyday i wake up & hope it was a nightmare as it still feels untrue to me.sometimes i think was she ever here cause as time goes on she gets further away from me & it feels like im loseing her all over again then my pain starts all over again..
Aug 13, 2012
emma
Aug 19, 2012
Fae McBride
Just wanted to say hey, I'm new. I just lost my little sister 18 days ago within 24 hours. We still don't even know why, it was blood clots like doctors had never seen in a 15 year old. I'm so angry and confused. I can hardly even read this stuff in this group but I need ideas on how to grieve because I feel myself bottling it up. I don't want to go to the cemetery, I don't want to think or talk about it. It's like I don't believe it. I'm also 12 weeks pregnant, I see I'm not alone with this situation. I had joined these mommy/pregnancy forums and see everyone so excited, happy, and bubbly preparing for their babies. I am just not in that state of mind right now, not anymore.
Oct 2, 2012
nadia
hello back.. I am back here lurking just wanted to offer a hug to all... I miss my sister every day ... I still more than 15 months now cannot comprehend why she is not here... finding hard to have a life without her at most of times.. I know the feeling you are describing the pain is still here and will never go away... I though I share with you that there are times i feel she is looking after me and is sending me signs... too many odd things happening but most of all I had a baby girl that was due right on her birthday and ended up getting born a week after on easter sundays she was a week overdue.. I named her after my little sister... she is my gift from my wonderful sister to keep me going as I was so ready to pack it in...I am still in agony I cannot share this with her as I know she always wanted a baby girl .. My sister was the greatest auntie and would have loved my little girl.. I feel it is not coincidence.. we were talking about it then next day she was gone and now I have a baby...there are moments of some rays of happiness but the waves of pain always come back. I miss her so much... she was my besets friend... to my mind I still think maybe she is on long holiday and always get shocked when I realized I can no longer call her...I et flashbacks all the time... I want her back desperately... You know the feelings .....
Oct 2, 2012
Yetzy L. Diaz
I know what you feel Nadia. Sometimes I pick up the phone to say oh I need to tell my sister the news, then i fall back into reality and realize she is gone.
Oct 2, 2012
nadia
Some many moments I am like I have to call her and let her know about sg that happen in my day when it sticks me that I cannot do this... I have kept her phone and look at her Skype account... I cannot believe she is not here with me... sometimes I think it may be hard for people to understand my pain... having a family of my own DOES NOT MEAN I CAN MOVE ON... She is my family the person I few up with and knows me better than anyone else... so sorry we are all here.... hugs
Oct 3, 2012
kylie anne
Hi everyone, its been 13 months since i last seen my sister i hate saying she died or passed away..i hate even thinking about it.my pain has not gone away it is always there & i have come to realise it will always be with me i lost a person i loved so why would i not want to feel that..this group has helped me say what i feel as i can't tell my family & friends its good to know i am not alone in how i feel .i hope everyone is doing the best that they can as that is all you can do in these moments of grief..xx
Nov 1, 2012
bobbie
Oct 7, 2013
Danielle McEwe
I lost my little sister. Andraya was a beautiful gift from god. We adopted her into our family whenshe was only 3 days old, and at the age of 8, it was like I got my very own living doll. Growing up, because of our age difference, we did not always see eye to eye (literally and figuratively) but I loved her with every fiber of my body because she was such a specail and unique girl. She had a rough go through her teenage years, but for the last few years, she was coming into her own, building houses with my father. When she was 16, she met a boy. He was a few years older than herself, but when we saw them together for the first time, my parents and I knew that she was done, that she had found the one that she was going to be with for the rest of her life. She was becoming a beautful and compassionate young woman and we were starting to get to know one another more. The best day of my life was on August 3, 2013 when I was my sister's maid of honour at her wedding to her long term beau. Then...a short 19 days later, my little sister was killed in a head on collision. She was only 21 years old. The other driver was 17 and was texting and driving. She got away with it with no reprocussions. Meanwhile, I have lost my gift from god, and I am so incredibly sad. I am trying to come to terms with the foreverness of the situation....that I will never see her smile in person again, and I will never hear her laugh, and I will never feel her arm around me again as I did on her wedding day when she hugged me for the photos. My heart is broken and although I have been having a lot of good days, today I feel broken and unable to cope. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears and wondering why....why her? Why did god have to take back his gift so soon? Why was she not able to live a long and happy life? I know I will never get the answers to my questions, and even if I did, it would not bring her back. I just feel so broken today.
Mar 3, 2014
Yetzy L. Diaz
It's been almost two years since my only sister is gone and the pain is still the same.
Mar 4, 2014
Kendra
I recently lost my baby sister. June 7th will make a month. She was only 22. My entire world ha been torn apart.
Jun 3, 2014
Kim
I don't know how to express this so that it is meaningful and respectful but after reading several posts I want to say I am jealous of what you all have lost. and I'm suggesting that you try to avoid taking for granted that you ever had it in the first place. there were no guarantees, every day you get with someone you love and loves you back is a gift. everyone assumes it's a given to quarrel but underneath it all, to be tight with your family. but it's not a given. my younger sister never considered my feelings or needs, she couldn't, she was too broken to. we have had a one way relationship for all of her life where she has caused me more emotional and financial pain than anything else on this earth could have. But I still feel the grief of her pain. So even though I never received anything but torture from her, I still have the pain associated with her suffering. So that is why I hope you recognize that even if your sisters were your worst nightmare you would probably still be in so much pain. So the fact that they were your closest friend, etc, is something to be celebrated completely aside from your grief. At least she gave you those memories, albeit cut short.
Jul 31, 2014
Ashlee Lopez-Garcia
Dec 2, 2014
Gabrielle
Mar 2, 2015
Danielle McEwe
My sister will be gone 2 years on Saturday. It is surreal to think that it has been 2 years since i heard her laugh, saw her smile, and talked to her. She was killed in a head on collision at the age of 21 and every day my heart breaks that she did not get to live her life. She had just been married a couple weeks earlier and it devastates me on a daily basis. RIp my dear little sister...I miss you every day.
Aug 18, 2015
beth
Nov 5, 2015
HollowHeart
It's been a little over 2 weeks since I lost my older sister and I can't even believe I'm talking about her death. I am still in shock/disbelief and am numb. I can't move forward, can't go back. I have nothing to look forward to anymore as any plans always included her. We were best friends, she was always there to help me and now I'm alone. I just can not believe she is gone. I want to die, because I don't think I will ever be able to lead a productive life alongside this heartbreaking grief. So for me, it's like life is worth nothing now. I just miss talking to her so much. I feel like I"m suffocating with the need to see and and talk to her again. It doesn't feel real, yet it is my waking nightmare forever.
Nov 5, 2015
Karens sis
Jun 1, 2016