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Comment by Roger on March 2, 2015 at 9:28pm

John, There is always regrets. They are always gone to soon.  There is no price I  wouldn't pay. No amount of work that I wouldn't do. If I could hold my Karla in my arms again. Feel her breath on my neck. Just one more time. I can see that you loved your wife very much. Like I loved my Karla. Karla was the same age as your wife when she died. After a 5 year battle with breast cancer. I could give you a pretty good argument, that its better to go quickly. Than have to suffer through years of chemo, surgeries, radiation, throwing-up, loosing you hair (3 different times).  The fear of knowing you are going to die soon. Hoping and praying all the time a miracle would happen. But the thing is John. There is just NO easy way. What ever the how and why. When you love that person very much. Their death is going to be devastating.  Life changing.  Karla has been gone 2 years now. I am still so in love with her. She is constantly on my mind. I like you, trust in God. I will continue to be here if that is his will. I pray daily for guidance. I want to do the right thing. I believe I am. My one and only goal is to be with my Karla again. Then what has happened here on earth want matter any more. I simply must believe that.  I will keep you in my prayers.             

Comment by Karen T. on February 22, 2015 at 4:13pm

Jon-Paul

I completely understand. Thank you for your answer and help. You are truly a wonderful husband and wife very lucky she got a good one as you are few and far between.

Thank you. :)

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 21, 2015 at 10:42pm

Well Karen, when people ask me about my queen, I call her my wife... which she is and will always be. I talk about her like she's with me because she is. I only reveal that she's passed on if it comes up. Physically, she's gone. Spiritually and mentally she consumes me. As far as moving on, I have no advice. All I can talk or think about is her. I have her name and face tattooed all over my body. I will be buried with her as we have a couples casket. Any person I am involved with must realize their role. It may not be fair but I'm being realistic and I don't mind being alone until I go home to her.

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 9:23pm

I do understand that there is always a problem with the definition of :normal" but to me that is what is right for you on a constant and personal basis and then that is MY normal even if what my deffinitions of those might be differrent than someone elses which is what makes uo their normal.

I do have a question for anyone whomay beable to help. This may sound trivial but it may not. My question id what do I know cakk my husband? I mean he is not exactly my "ex" husband as that it's usually associated with divofrce. However "passed" or "moved one" sounds likd they've moved. You csn go the direct rount and say"dead" but that just comes out and souns crass and a bit uncaring,

Comment by Fran on February 21, 2015 at 7:23pm

Karen, what IS normal?

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 4:16pm

I wish I could feel my passed husband as you described being able to feel your wife. I just fell like when I want to sry ( which is a lot of course) I don't have my safe place anymore....I always rom day 1 told him that my favorite and most safe feeling place in the world was his arms. No matter where we were, his arms always made eveything wrong go away and it's like time just stood still and I was in that place and moment forever. Now my safe place is gone and I am lost. I admit I do look at other men, hoping or other possibilities for the future but honestly I don't even know what I would do if I did find someone. So easy to look from a distance but to start things up that's completely differet (expecially when you are  not use to dating/goingout in the first place. My husband was the second man I ever dated- the first lasted just under 2 months and this was in college so I was almost 18years old when I went on my first date. I know I haven't had a "normal" relationship life so any advice on expectations would be greatly appreciated. :)

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 21, 2015 at 3:08pm

I miss more than anything putting my nose beneath hers and breathing in her breath as she exhales... and her laugh... my good GOD, how I miss her laugh...

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 2:02pm

I justish had him to hold me. That's what I want almost more than anything, to be held.

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 21, 2015 at 11:44am

The pain is consuming. It's overwhelming. My kids aren't enough for me to want to remain. I want to be where she is. Then it hit me, actually the night before last, that I am where she is. I feel her, I hear her, I know she's within me just as much now as when she was in the flesh. The grief, the pain, the withdraws are due to the absence of her perfectly beautiful body; her perfect face, her radiant eyes and smile, her soothing voice... But I'll be home soon with her and our Father... it may be a week, it may be a decade, but it'll come soon. Hopefully sooner than later. But we have to make them proud. Stay strong Marijka, Ashley, Karen, and Leesa....

Comment by Marijka on February 21, 2015 at 4:25am

My babe, my fiancé, my partner, my soulmate, my best friend, my everything died suddenly 5 months ago...yet it only feels like yesterday. My heart and soul are broken. He was only 42 and even though he was 10 years older than me, we had the best relationship. We had known each other for 15 years and had been together 11 years and life was great...now life is a struggle, I don't want to live it without him, I jus want him back. We were meant to get married this year and have more babies. The only reason I haven't joined him is our beautiful 9year old daughter, who has been an amazing strength for me...but I feel so much pain for her, I lost my soul mate but she lost her dad, who she had the most beautiful, wonderful relationship with, he was the best dad and just worshiped the ground she walked on.
I have no one that understands what I'm going through, I feel like I'm expected to get on with things, just move on...but how am I suppose to do that, all my future plans were with him...everything. Even though I have people around me, I feel so alone and lonely, I miss him so much.

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