Hey Karen, was just thinking of you and saw about your son and your hubbie's heart condition and you've been on my mind.  My old boss wife had a heart condition that she died unexpectedly from but upon testing her 3 daughters, 2 of them had it and they were able to help them and prevent them from having a heart attack.  I think that as his young age, they can do something for him.  It's stupid to ask how you are...but, are you hanging in there? The last week has been really hard for me, 15 weeks and it hurts so much.  You are in my thoughts... Love and hugs

I am so sorry for your pain and your loss! I wasn't even married at your age, altho I had met my husband to be...I had 27 years with him. I lost him this past November, lung cancer, diagnosed only in March. It took a month before I really started to "miss" him. I don't know if it was being numb from losing him or feeling like it was one of his frequent travels for work...I only know that I miss him more as time goes on. I also get angry, almost weekly, at my husband for NOT being around. Like yesterday, we're in the middle of a blizzard and I couldn't get any of our snowblowers to work...How could you NOT BE HERE to help me! I screamed into the wind...I felt a little better after that...

You found your husband...I held my husband in my arms as he died. It was the way he wanted to go. Neither way is easy, or pleasant. I don't relish the thought of having the next 20 years without him...But, I don't want to let him down by giving up the life that I have, that he provided for...You have a son, who is probably also hurting. Share with him...share stories of the family you were. Don't shut yourself off. 

You are not alone!

Hey there...thank you so much, that is so sweet what you said.  You are right, all we can do is lean on each other. I'm feeling very sad today, it's odd how some days you are sort of ok (sort of) and others you feel a bit better, it just hurts so much.  I don't think we will ever be fine, I hope you have a good day, as well as you can. Thanks for talking with me also!!

Hey Karen, oh the awful "hows it going" / "how are you doing" questions.  They are the absolute worse or people saying - let me know if I can do anything...I appreciate it, but there is nothing anybody can do.  I come to work and just isolate myself in my office, I don't want to see everybody happy and just going on, living their lives.  OH the birthday thing will be hard but yes you just have to focus on your sons party, he needs that and even distractions like that are good for us to have a few moments of peace, thinking of something else and not feeling the grief even if its for an hour or two. Yesterday was my daughters 21st birthday and it was very nice and we had a lot of tequila! haha but I was sad inside knowing we wont celebrate Randy's in May, but we focused on her.  I feel so bad for you losing your soulmate, he's too young, I'm so very sorry again, jeez its so messed up.  We've also lost our 2 dogs in the last 12 weeks, I think some days that somebody put a curse on me, how can one person endure so much pain. You might feel some comfort from seeing your Pastor, you really just have to do what feels ok.  A couple of my friends make me feel better, they don't say stupid things or ask how I am, they are just there and that helps.  It helps me to be able to write (ramble) on here about everything and know everybody here knows how each other feels.  In the beginning you just want to be alone and not go anywhere but a little at a time, you will be able to go do something.  I'm sitting at work today very very sad and just trying to make it through the day, it's all we can do.  Hug your son, the two of you need to hug a lot.  My daughter is not feeling a lot of this right now or maybe just not expressing it, we have had about 4 years of dealing with the drugs and the problems and the lying and it was very hard.  I'm not pressuring her to express her feelings, she will do so in her own time.  I cry, I scream...I cry some more and it's all ok..  Big hugs, you are in my heart today..x0