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Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 1, 2015 at 9:52pm

George-I wish I could help. I was in that place Sunday. We all understand and we are here for you.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 1, 2015 at 9:50pm

Yes John T. And just 3 1/2 weeks layers I moved in with my younger sister and our dad. Now I am his primary caregiver. He is on home hospice with a brain tumor. With all of this in just 12 weeks, I spend most days on autopilot. I need a vacation from reality.

Comment by Tildyc on April 1, 2015 at 9:36pm

Oh George – I'm thinking of you. And I find myself in that place often. We are all here if you need us.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 1, 2015 at 9:33pm

Nights are the worst for me. I can stay busy and run errands during the day but at night I can only stay gone for so long because of the dogs. So I sit here watching mindless TV and feeling lonely and overwhelmed too.

Comment by George H on April 1, 2015 at 9:30pm

Can't do much posting now losing the battle tonight loneliness to overwhelming

Comment by Tildyc on April 1, 2015 at 9:30pm

Watching a show on TV that brought me down memory lane. I remember the first year that I went commercial fishing with Mark. He owned a small troller and he needed a deck hand. Although I grew up in Alaska- I had never seen such amazing breathtaking beauty. He gave me a gift that is priceless. We worked hard and did not make a lot of money that summer. But the memories... Oh my goodness the memories. There are no words to explain the rugged natural landscape, the vast ocean, the abundant sea life and wildlife, the bigger than life individuals that I met and above all else- the love that I felt for Mark he for me. I egg from the bottom of my soul to return to those days. I realize that I am thankful for those memories. I truly am and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But right now it's like a beautiful, magical dream that I had and it holds all my happiness within it.....and I Will never ever able to go back there.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 1, 2015 at 9:22pm

John T.-I can understand the contradiction. I struggle too. I'm not angry with God, but hurt and confused. If you don't mind me asking, how old was Diane?

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 1, 2015 at 9:19pm

Tildyc-Sometimes there are no answers. And sometimes when I pray, the answer is no. My belief and faith in God doesn't keep me from hurting. I am struggling with the loss of my Mark every single day. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing in my heart that I will see him again. In just a little while,2:03 in the morning, the love of my life will have been gone for 12 weeks. I miss him so much it hurts to breath sometimes.

Comment by Tildyc on April 1, 2015 at 8:48pm

Sandy Elaine Norris- I wish I had that security in my faith. Like I said for my mom it's been her rock. But me being who I am all my life – I'm always asking questions. And when I feel like I really need answers to something- I can be relentless in the pursuit of finding the answers. Sometimes to a fault. But I'm so happy that somebody is finding peace in this turmoil in which we are trying to survive. And I do believe in God I think, do you talk to him. But I also know there are so many different explanations out there. It's very confusing. And I am relentlessly searching for answers to my pain and to find out where my lost soulmate went.

Comment by Tildyc on April 1, 2015 at 7:57pm

Dianne- The crying and yelling his name is something I do. Where I walk the dogs is remote and isolated. So when I get to my the viewpoint- I cry and yell his name at the mountains and the sea. I ask him where has he gone and why won't he come home? I tell him I don't want to live in the future without him. I ask him why he doesn't come and get me? But the ocean and the mountains do not give me any answers. And neither does Mark. My heart and soul are broken and I just don't see Any light at the end of this tunnel.

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