Comment

Comment by Tildyc on April 4, 2015 at 2:22pm

I just feel like going back to sleep today. I just can't make plans without Mark in them. Curtains are closed tight shutting the sun out. I'm supposed to be getting things done in accomplishing a few things today. But – I just don't have it in me right now. I NEED My Mark back. I don't know how to do this without him.

Comment by Tildyc on April 4, 2015 at 1:21pm

It's beautiful out today. All I can do is lay here in our bed. Without Mark I just can't find a way to enjoy anything anymore. I miss living in the other world. Where Mark and I would go out and enjoy this beautiful day together. Like all those other happy and loved people out there that are sharing this beautiful day together. Wrapped in their secure and warm blanket of togetherness. Enjoying that soul nourishing connection that I have lost forever.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 4, 2015 at 8:08am

I didn't take any offense, m morgan. We all have different lives. We all just have to live them the best that we can. I hate feeling so lonely, but I would love to have some good alone time.

Comment by George H on April 4, 2015 at 7:43am

Missing Mary wondering were this is all going to end I have nothing left she was my life just can't stand the loneliness anymore

Comment by morgan on April 4, 2015 at 1:22am

Sandy- I didn't mean to infer that anyone is going to deal with life events like I am.  If I did I am sorry.  I have no children so I don't have any close connections.  My husband was everything.  It's all so surreal. It's like my life went into slow motion and I can't stop the movie.  

Comment by George H on April 3, 2015 at 11:04pm

Another long night just can't sleep anymore I miss the sound of Mary breathing

Comment by George H on April 3, 2015 at 10:23pm

Being alone is best for me now I just can't deal with anything

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 3, 2015 at 10:02pm

I don't have a choice. I have to psych myself up for the holidays. Between myself and Mark, we have 6 children and 4 grandchildren. I will laugh when I can, cry when I have to, and leave when I want to. My children are the best. I just wish my siblings would be as understanding. 

Comment by morgan on April 3, 2015 at 9:47pm

I will be alone during this weekend.  I turned down an offer to go to a Sunday brunch at my niece's house.  It's ok.  I would rather isolate myself than pretend I want to celebrate.  I will probably be alone for many future seasonal events and family events because I can't psych myself enough to participate like i would have in the past. I do not want to be singled out as a downer when that is how I feel but no one wants to acknowledge it.  

I will not feel guilty about disappointing others.  They will just have to deal with my rejection of their attempts.  Only because I know their intention is to have me rejoin their reality which  I have no desire to be a part of.  I am incapable of desire.  My husband took all of it with him.  

The pain that follows the death of our beloved is like no other.  Nothing can prepare you for the feelings.  I never thought I could be like I am.  Not in a million years.  I thought I was strong.  I handled a lot of the financial and other affairs in our life.  Now I can barely decide my way out of a cardboard box.  Everything is overwhelming. Still.  Which is probably why I continue to isolate myself.  Exposing myself normally ends up having to have a conversation about my husband and then the triggers send me into a spiral.  Too tired.  I don't know how long my body will take this kind of stress but I would be fine if it gave up tonight.   People who care about me can't imagine how I could think like that but then they aren't where we are.  Amazing what a moment in time does to our perspective huh?

Comment by morgan on April 3, 2015 at 9:20pm

Sandy,  I am so sorry for what is happening to you all in a cluster.  Just losing your husband is way more than one person should have to deal with. I can only wonder why we are having to endure this kind of suffering.  

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