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Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 10, 2015 at 8:14pm

Dear Dianne M,

I can so relate to what you are facing right now. Here I am still sitting at my office and surfing the internet and reading emails so that I don't have to go home and face the empty walls and the utter loneliness. On Fridays we would either go out to dinner or order Thai or Chinese take-out, and Joseph would make me cocktails; he had a few mixed drinks in his repertoire. I can't bring myself to set foot in those restaurants by myself anymore or order food from there. All this is so unspeakably sad. :( I want out! I know I sound like a spoilt child...

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 7:55pm

How do we deal with the silence and loneliness on a Friday night???

We would go dancing or out to dinner or both...now I sit here alone....

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 10, 2015 at 5:51pm

I agree with Jon-Paul. You need to sue that doctor for all he is worth. It will not bring your husband back, but maybe it will keep him from doing this to anybody else.

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on April 10, 2015 at 3:54pm

I sure hope you're filing a suit against that doctor Tildyc!!!!

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 3:33pm

I dont want to die but I dont know how to live in this void either. I hate being alone...

Comment by Tildyc on April 10, 2015 at 3:21pm

Dianne- my Mark died due to a doctor's unfathomable and irresponsible decision to send him home from the ER when his internal bleeding was not yet under control. The doctor administered a couple bags of fluid and a shot to supposedly stop the bleeding in stomach due to an ulcer. Explained to us that he will bleed just a little bit more and then he should be fine. That we shouldn't worry. And then he sent us home from the ER....for me to watch my Mark-bleed to death. By time I realized the doctor had made an irreversible mistake- there was blood all over our room. I could not move him so I called the ambulance. When we got to the ER they started working on him and soon it turned to CPR. Then they shocked him a number of times to try to start his heart again. And then – that lame excuse of a medical doctor turned to me and told me that he was sorry and that Mark was gone. WTH!? He was only 50 yrs old- No one dies from an ulcer these days. Unless their dr is completely incompetent. Mark should've been checked into the hospital and received the proper medical care from trained professionals- THE FIRST TIME WE WERE THERE , THAT DAY AT THE ER. This would've saved his life. But instead they sent him home with me to watch him die.

I'll never forget the look in his beautiful eyes when I told him I had called the ambulance. He looks so frightened and scared. My poor baby. Then the next time I looked into his eyes he was laying on the gurney in the ER. And he was already gone. He was dead. And his eyes were completely void and empty. And those two images of his eyes, before and after, are burned into my memory. And I relive that final day over and over again. I keep going over what I could've done differently to save his life. How I should've insisted that he be checked into the hospital. How we should've never trusted that doctor. Then Mark would still be here with me. And I would not be in hell.

And then when I got home after that horrible horrible life changing, soul killing event of losing my soulmate....
I had to clean up all the blood.

I live in a very very small town. I see that doctor at the post office or at the grocery store and on the street often. I can't even look at them, I have to turn my head. What's even worse – he lives right across the street from my daughter. And when I go see my daughter- I get to witness the doctor and his wife enjoying their life together-working in the garden and playing with their dogs. Completely oblivious and unaware to the fact that he has completely destroyed and ruined my life. That now I have to find a way to get through this life with nothing but emptiness and no joy.

Every day, every hour, every minute and every second.... That much closer to him.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 2:29pm

John T I could have written that too. Makes no sense to me at all...

What do we do now????

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 2:05pm

I am here with our dogs watching TV and wondering how this all went so terribly wrong. Supposed to be a simple surgery. He was in good health. Why am I a widow??? How do I go on??? I am so clueless right now. I have good days and bad days and today is really a BAD day....

Comment by Jason on April 10, 2015 at 2:05pm

Today marks three months since I lost my sweet Amanda. Since I lost everything that made me happy and brought me joy. Now I sit in the quite and think of her, think of the times we had and all the times we should have had. I've given up telling people how I feel. All they'd say is "it'll be alright" or "things will get better with time" they can't help and saying anything just makes them feel awkward. Better to just stay quite and deal with my pain myself.
It's our anniversary on tuesday, I was going to recreate our first date, take her into town, out for chinese then on to the comedy club. Finishing of at the hotel she stayed at the first time we met and where we were going to get married.
Now I just sit in the quiet, so so quiet...

Comment by George H on April 10, 2015 at 2:00pm

It was always Mary and I I was her caregiver 24/7 so I have no friends I spend mI st om my time sitting in my chair with her dog wondering what to do

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