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Comment by lost on April 14, 2015 at 8:41am

My honey passed on 3/05/15. I have not been alone one day since he passed. My family have been hovering..day and night. I think this weekend I may be alone. I Don't know what will happen when I am alone for the first time????? Now everyone keeps me occupied. I'm scared I just may lose it when that day comes. My husband built me a glass shop. He passed a few days after finishing it. He so thought I have talent and wanted me to pursue it...but, I can't walk from the house towards the shop which is on our property...
I get so sad. I just can't be in there yet. Or even have a reason why?? Why bother?? Why try?? He would be so sad if he knew something so hard he worked on..something he knew I loved made me so sad to even want to pursue without him. I need him by my side. I need him. I want to feel that so complete love again. I want my honey back telling me he was so glad we are married. He was always telling me he loved me and he was so glad we were together. 41yrs. I have so many memories. Sometimes they constantly are flowing all together and I feel like I am going crazy. Sometimes I just want them to slow down so I can experience each one....but they jam all together and I feel crazy.

Comment by George H on April 14, 2015 at 8:00am

Still here me and Leo Mary's dog no changes you all know the feeling right now I don't care if Rkensas exploded

Comment by lost on April 14, 2015 at 1:19am

I hate the nights..,,.the silence.....his silence. I can't stand the loneliness. I have nothing to live for. Nothing. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Only death.

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2015 at 11:54pm

JohnT- The yoyo stage.  Great metaphor.  You really have a knack for giving us a good visceral explanation of what is going on for you. I think it is a good thing.  I don't think it is good you have to feel this way but being able to explain it,  I think the rest of us can easily relate and I think that helps.  

I am a great one to want to analyze why I am feeling the way I do.  I'm not sure it is beneficial if I overdo it but I think I need to try and beat down a bit of a path in my intellectual brain to help my emotional self find some footing.  It has been a journey from hell and I think we all want relief from this pain and no matter the amount of discussion it remains the same.  The universe has dealt us the card we are unable to explain.  No answers.  Just feeling.  Raw and primal.  

I want for each of us to find some little bit of understanding.  It sure would bring some comfort.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 13, 2015 at 10:12pm

I haven't been able to go to the cemetery since Mark's burial. He is buried in a cemetery an hour and a half away. Is it strange that going onto find a grave and looking at his marker gives me comfort? It's the only way I've seen it.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 13, 2015 at 10:05pm

I miss Mark!

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2015 at 9:58pm

George-  How are you holding up?  Have you been able to eat anything?    You always seem to be able to sum up how we all feel in a few words.  If there is anything that we all feel is we hate this.  I want to figure out the whys but the point is simple.  We wish our loved one was sitting right next to us.  Why death?  Why do we have to go through death?  

Comment by Tildyc on April 13, 2015 at 9:39pm

M morgan – actually it's still fairly early in Alaska right now but – I'm waiting for what used to be one of "our" favorite shows- the Voice. So I guess I better pour myself a glass of wine for it. :/

I'm drinking wine more than I used to. I mean I've always drank wine.. Just a little more than I used to right now.

The doctor gave me antianxiety and antidepressant which I tried but – I stopped taking them because they didn't help and they didn't make me feel good at all.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 13, 2015 at 9:21pm

I find it hard to go anywhere either. Since we went everywhere together just shopping for groceries is bad....bed bath and beyond over the weekend started a crying fit in the car which started a crying fit in my neighbors arms when she asked how I was doing.....What a mess this all is.

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2015 at 9:18pm

Nancy & Diane,  My husband wasn't much for tv he liked to read but the one show we would watch was House Hunters on hgtv.  I cannot watch it.  I will never watch it again.  That is how this affects us.  We cant even watch a tv show.  

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