Comment

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 10:12pm

bluebird- yep – I do not recognize the person that I am now compared to the person I was before. Life without my soulmate really isn't living. It's barely exsisting.

And I absolutely avoid people whenever possible. I have to deal with the public because of my job but – it sucks... It effing sucks. If I could quit I would. I actually have a handwritten note on my door that says "please do not disturb." When somebody bravely knocks on my door, I cringe and wonder who the hell is bothering me now. Sometimes if I just keep quiet, they go away. My God. I absolutely detest the person I am now. I'm unrecognizable to myself anymore. When I say I truly don't know what to do... I'm not kidding.

Comment by George H on April 15, 2015 at 9:55pm

I'll try it but don't see it helping because I just don't care about anything like you I'm broken and alone

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:51pm

George – let us know how your grief group goes with your daughter please. I don't have that option here in my little town. But I do have you and everybody else here.

Comment by bluebird on April 15, 2015 at 9:50pm

Dianne,

Thank you for understanding. You're right, we are all in a deep dark place, and it's horrible for us all.

_________________________________

 

Tildyc,

I understand what you're saying. I will never be with anyone else, either. I have never been involved romantically or sexually with anyone other than my husband, and I never will be. We are married, and that is forever -- his death does not change that (I'm not saying everyone should be that way, but that is how it is for me).  I have no interest in even making friends with people, much less anything else, and I will never have any interest in dating.

I know what you mean about being dark and sad and not a person anyone else would want to hang out with, as I am like that as well. I hate the person I have become, but I am glad to minimize my contact with other people, as I would much rather be alone than with other people now. It is monotonous, and it sucks, so for myself I hope my life doesn't last long.

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:49pm

I just don't see any options. I won't take my own life and my body won't die. Alone and broken.

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:46pm

Here's the thing – I knew the moment I lost him that I would never – never find another person. I realize that I have to live the rest of my life alone. I just can't seem to find a way to come to terms with this because, I had such an amazing and fulfilling life with him before. i'm dark and sad and definitely not somebody that anyone wants to hang around with. So therefore – I sit here and I cry and I miss him and I go through my BS monotonous day to day. I do not see much change in that in the future. This is my life now and I don't know what to do with it.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 15, 2015 at 9:45pm

bluebird I do understand what u are saying....we are all in a deep dark place...Glad we are all here for each other.

Comment by bluebird on April 15, 2015 at 9:42pm

Dianne,

I meant no offense, and it's not that I think you love your husband any less than I love mine....that's why I used the word "bonded" rather then the word "loved".  Maybe I didn't express it well, or maybe I'm wrong about it altogether, but I don't know how else to explain it. It is literally impossible for me to "move on" with life without my husband -- I do not want my life anymore.  Maybe part of it is that I'm just weaker than you and than other people who do want to have a life after the death of their spouse/partner, I don't know. All I know is that I do want to die, and I truly don't understand people who want to continue living after their spouse/partner dies. I'm not saying that you/they are wrong, just that I do not understand it. The fault may very well be with me.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 15, 2015 at 8:57pm

bluebird "I have come to realize that some people are not as bonded with their spouses/partners as I am, and as you apparently are as well. They would of course be sad and upset if their spouses/partners died, but they would see a life for themselves at some point beyond the death of their spouse/partner, whereas for me there is no such life, and I don't want there to be."

I take exception to what u say here. I dont think that my love for my husband has anything to do with the fact that I will survive this and have some kind of life. I am sick and hurting and devastated but I just dont want to curl up in a ball and die. This is how I honor our love.

Not everyone deals with this in the same way and I dont think there is a right or wrong way it is just what we choose to do.

Comment by George H on April 15, 2015 at 8:55pm

So Damm lonely it just seems to get worse every day trying to push through this is just a waist of time I customers don't her to be gone

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 283
• 284
• 285
• 286
• 287
• …
• 340
• Next ›
• Page