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Comment by Dianne M. on April 19, 2015 at 1:10pm

I have no family. He was all I had. So I sit here alone. I have some friends but they have a life and husbands that we would hang around with so that doesn't work for me now. Being the 3rd wheel is not my idea of fun. So not sure which is worse.

Comment by bluebird on April 19, 2015 at 1:07pm

I suppose I'm lucky in that I do have a good, loving family (not without their dysfunctions, of course, but we do all really love each other).  My Mom, Dad, sister, and brother-in-law are wonderful. They also love my husband, and so I don't have to deal with the particular horrible things a lot of you are having to deal with, of my family not being there for me or of them not caring about my husband or saying bad things about him.

That said, I don't actually think it's any easier. My husband is still dead, and the fact that I have family who love me only makes it harder on me because they are also hurt, both by my husband's death and by the destruction of their daughter (me) and her life. They know I do not want to live, they know I hate my life, they know that nothing brings me joy, and that is all very hard for them. It also means that if/when I do kill myself, they will be devastated by it; if I didn't have family members who love me, I could kill myself without worrying about them.

Comment by George H on April 19, 2015 at 1:03pm

When Mary was sick not one person in her family came to our house to help me her kids would take us to the Dr or the store but I had to call them to get that done they didn't know what med to give or how to do her dialysis now that she's gone nothing has changed but I think I'm better off by myself (just venting real bad day)

Comment by Mark on April 19, 2015 at 10:45am

Hi  I lost my wife 5 weeks ago, she was intoxicated and intentionally to an overdose of Opana/Oxymorphone, My son found her passed out on the floor and I didn't know she took any pills I thought she was drunk and had seen her falling down drunk many times in the past, I did not call 911 immediately, and feel overwhelming guilt that I did not, I missed a chance to save her.  When I did, it was too late for her when the medics arrived.

I have been here for a few weeks blogging and reading.  Lots of pain and emotional agony on this board.  My question is this, is there anyone her that has come through this to where they can now appreciate a sunny day.  I know I will never forgot this or be the same, but I want to here from someone that feels like they are at least turning the corner, please.

Mark

Comment by Dianne M. on April 19, 2015 at 10:31am

I am so very tired of waking up crying. This house is so empty and my life so hollow. I am really trying to get out and do things but nothing is helping me. I miss him with every fiber of my being and I just dont know what to do. Everything reminds me of him or something we did together or I want to ask him something....just a mess

Comment by lost on April 19, 2015 at 10:17am

John T- the people that piss me off the most are the ones that say "be thankful you had him for 41yrs". Really? I was 16 when I got married...I am almost 58. Why should I be happy with JUST 41yrs. I wanted more!!! I feel like slapping those people. Or the ones that say..." I should be thankful that it was a quick heart attack". Really? Why is a quick heart exploding any better than a disease that would have allowed me to say goodbye. There is no GOOD way for your soulmate to die. It is all bad!!!! Until someone who has loved with all their heart and soul loses their loved one.....THEY CANNOT UNDERSTAND. Period.
It has been 45days since he left me and I hate my world.

Comment by lost on April 19, 2015 at 9:44am

I have an aunt who is in her late 70's and who just got married for the 5th time. 3 of her husbands have died. She told me that after her last husband of 25yrs passed that she thought she would never get married again. A year went by and husband #5 came along. She said until this man came into her life she never knew what the word soulmate really meant. She said she never felt like this about another person. She is so happy now. WOW....at 78 find your soulmate.

Comment by George H on April 19, 2015 at 9:23am

Anne j I know WHT u mean a man down the road from me who I bear has stop to see me more then who say they it was always .are and I so I rave know friends but I think I'm better off alone so I don't have to listen to people that haven't a clue what this hell is like

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 19, 2015 at 12:52am

Hello All,

I fully agree with all here who say it is better to have loved and lost instead of never having loved this way and not knowing this pain. One of the first things my older sister told me when Joseph passed was that I was one of those fortunate ones who knew a deep and beautiful love. And one of our friends told me that the love Joseph and I shared was the kind poems are written about. I think the reason that we on this site are so deeply affected, and probably will be for a very long time, is because we loved deeply and were loved back in the same intense way.

The 19 years that I shared with Joseph were the most wonderful, meaningful, and happy years of my life, and I would NEVER trade those years for anything. That we are suffering this intense pain is due to the fact that the love we shared with our soulmate was very special, very precious.

How I wish that I had 20 or 30 more years with the love of my life, but that's not happening. Every time I feel this intense pain (like I am now), I tell myself that this pain is tribute to my love for Joseph. Millions of people die everyday, but only a fraction of them are remembered, mourned and grieved like this. That's the price of having loved so intensely.

Comment by Tildyc on April 19, 2015 at 12:31am

George- yep – the well meaning woman is still one of the unaffected. "she and her husband had a talk." " and she knows people who've already dealt with this and he covered quickly" Wow. It's soo insulting when they tell us how to handle our grief and pain. I know they mean well but there is absolutely no way for them to understand what this feels like. It does make me angry when other folk try to make light of my loss. I just have to try and remember that they have no clue.

And this is just ONE of the many reasons why I try and avoid people anymore.

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