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Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 22, 2015 at 2:51am

For the likes of us building a new life means staying alive in spite of our intense wish to just die, exit this miserable existence. If the others--those who haven't lost a beloved spouse--knew what hell we are having to endure on a daily basis, they would be dumbfounded. When they say these words, they have a completely different meaning for the bereaved. For me, it would mean resisting the desire to just end it all.  I will myself to go on living in spite of the desire to be just gone and in learning how to curb that desire and struggle through each new day without totally falling apart. That's how I am building my new life. The prospect of a long, grey, lonely, sorrowful life ahead is my new reality, my new life. If only these people knew! 

Comment by Tildyc on April 21, 2015 at 11:28pm

John T- if drinking has been a problem for you in the in your past – of course you don't want to start that again. Do not do it. Plz stay strong my friend John T. I'm not saying that drinking is an answer for god sake- but for me – once in a while – I just need to escape this bullshit.

Comment by George H on April 21, 2015 at 9:43pm

John know one will judge you here we all do what ever works at the time today tonight and maybe tomorrow whisky

Comment by Dianne M. on April 21, 2015 at 9:20pm

Tildyc I am with you on the wine part. Just need to indulge at times. Helps the time go by but I have found that I am much more emotional the next day. So I am not sure it helps later but at the time it sure does.

Comment by Tildyc on April 21, 2015 at 9:17pm

John T- building a new life??? I can't even find the correct words to respond to that. That is so beyond the realm in which I live. ...building a new life?? Un-freakin-real! You're absolutely right – the un-affected absolutely DO NOT/CAN NOT understand what is going on here. We are on our own. Alone.

George- yes whiskey will make you feel like crap later. So will too much wine. But sometimes – it's what I need just to numb the pain just a little bit, so I can get to sleep. I know that's going make everybody raise their eyebrows. But – being of Norwegian/Irish decent-it's kind of the norm where I grew up. It's not something to do every time but once in awhile I have to do something. I don't like taking the medications the Doc prescribed and I stop going to therapy. It just wasn't working for me. So go ahead and judge everyone – it is what it is.

Comment by George H on April 21, 2015 at 11:53am

Hospice picked up Mary's bed to day it was truly hard and lots of whisky don't help

Comment by Tildyc on April 21, 2015 at 8:36am

Wednesday's are the days I hate George. Tomorrow will be 12 weeks.

Comment by George H on April 21, 2015 at 4:55am

8 weeks today I sure hat Tuesdays

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 21, 2015 at 3:27am

Dear Nancy,

So sorry to hear this! It must have been pure agony seeing your young son crying for his daddy. It's all so cruel and unfair. Sending you good vibes for finding some peace.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 21, 2015 at 3:24am

George H,

Good call on your part! It's a wonderful thing to do to honor the memory of your beloved wife. Someone else is going to benefit from your generosity. And if it feels right to you, then that's the right thing to do.

My Joseph always believed in spreading it around and would always do something thoughtful or generous whenever possible. I gave away one of his winter coats and a pair of boots in the fall. It was extremely painful parting with those personal items, but I know that Joseph would approve of it.

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