Comment

Comment by bluebird on May 1, 2015 at 6:10pm

i don't ever even pretend. it's clear how horrible i feel.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 1, 2015 at 6:08pm

Dianne and George,

We have developed these two personas in part to shield ourselves from insensitive, even if well-meaning, people who say insensitive things in response to our continued grief. They have no clue to how it feels to walk in our shoes, so thy say platitudes and empty things which cause anger and irritation. That's why some of us show another face to the rest of the world.

Dianne, people around me praise me for my courage and strength because they think that I am moving on nicely.And I suppose there is courage and strength in us for us to carry on two separate lives: our outer/public and our inner/private lives. I cry several times everyday because I miss Joseph so, so badly. If only they knew!

Comment by George H on May 1, 2015 at 5:02pm

I find it easier to let people think I'm doing better than to listen to what they have to say they just don't get it

Comment by Dianne M. on May 1, 2015 at 4:29pm

Trina I have 2 persona's too as u described. Folks think I am so brave and strong. They have NO clue how much I cry and rant here at home.

What sad state of affairs we all live in.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 1, 2015 at 4:06pm

Weekends are always the hardest for me. When I woke up, I called out to Joseph to come take me to him. I don't how I can keep going like this, missing the love of my life so much every single day.

The thing is, I have developed two personas over the last few months since I went back to teaching. One "outside" one where all the others think I have healed and am moving on, and the inner one that no one else (except the members on this site) knows about. It's the lonely inner way of silent suffering. Now I know how people who suffer acute depression feel. There are very few outward signs of our suffering; it's inside, in my own private world that I know the extent of my pain, loneliness, emptiness, and despair. Another day and evening to get through... 

Comment by George H on May 1, 2015 at 2:30pm

Numb today missing Mary try to do stuff but nothing helps think I'm just stuck in the emptiness

Comment by leslie-ann smith on May 1, 2015 at 1:10am

I am so sorry for all of your losses. If it was due to health reasons or all of a sudden,it's always so hard .

I know when my husband passed,  it was so hard. He kept telling me he was never going to give up. He was fighting a horrible disease, and he never gave up and was always positive. 

I miss him so much. I love you Patrick. Your always in my heart ♡♥♡♥

Comment by Tildyc on April 30, 2015 at 10:31pm

George – so you and Mary had that opportunity to have that discussion about what to do if the other partner passes away. Mary wanted you to live your life if she were to pass.


You know what – I would've said the same thing and so probably would have Mark if we had any way of knowing or planning for the upcoming devastating loss. Before I had to live in this dark and lonely realm that I am in now. Back when we lived in the world of the unaffected.

The ones that we've lost – our soulmates – were still living in a world unaffected by such loss. Just like you and I used too. They (we) had no perspective on what the death of a spouse really was. Now they are gone and we are left alone here to deal with the reality of this strange, empty and lonely world in which we have no choice but to exist.

So don't be too hard on yourself George. Mary didn't know anymore than you did at the time. This is all an uncharted and painful hell we are all going through. But you are not completely alone – we are all here too.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 30, 2015 at 9:22pm

Davi,

I don't even know what to say to you except that I am deeply sorry for your loss/es and the way you lost your husband, in a car accident. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Tildyc on April 30, 2015 at 8:08pm

Oh my god Davi. I AM SO SO SORRY. There must be no words to come close to expressing how terrible this must be for you. My heart just goes out to you. I'm glad you have a support system but if you ever need to come here and vent and say how you really and truly are feeling – this is the place to do it. No one will judge you and most all of us on here understand pain from losing someone you love more than yourself.

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