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Comment by Mary on September 26, 2016 at 2:36am

HI Trina. I'm not really sure how to post on here sometimes. Thank you for your kind words. This forum is great. It's comforting to see others feeling the same so you don't feel like you are crazy or selfish. Though it's sad to see so many have lost their loved ones. It is 5 months today that I have lost my Neil. I am still so broken and struggling to help my kids. Prayers to you

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 23, 2016 at 4:47pm

Hello Mary,

Thank you for so much for reaching out to me and saying these words of comfort and support. Your message was very touching, and I felt understood and supported. This forum is so wonderful for people like us. We can share our grief and true feelings without fear of being judged and then friends reach out with understanding and compassion. Having friends empathize with you helps take the edge off of the raw pain. So thank you again. Sending you prayers and wishes for healing and peace.

Hugs back, Trina

Comment by Maxey on September 23, 2016 at 1:11pm

I woke up today and realized that the one year mark is coming closer and closer - Oct. 21st. I sat on the side of the bed for almost a half hour just staring at my husband's picture. I remembered where we were when it was taken, and I wanted God to let me dissolve into that time and be, again, with my love. I sat and cried and cried knowing that it does no good. I get a headache and feel miserable for a while. The saddness comes over me and it stays for most of the day. I want the feeling of love that my husband gave me. No one else can make me feel so accepted and cared for as he did. Life has meaning, so why am I having to endure this misery of being so lonely and desolate?
I know God has given me opportunities to get involved and move on, but I have no interest in them. I try each day to resolve myself to get busy and be with other people - then I fizzle out and just watch TV. I am involved with a few friends and have a part time job, but nothing seems to fill me need to be with my husband.
I wonder how long I can go on like this.

Comment by Mary on September 23, 2016 at 12:29pm

I too feel the pain gets worse not better. I lost my wonderful husband Neil 5 months ago. I yearn for him daily, I miss our life together, I miss how he added joy to my day, contentment, someone to share little things with. I too in order to make it thru the day say I'm one day closer to bring together. I'm 53 with 3 kids. My youngest is 16. I know I'm being selfish when I want to go soon but the pain is too great. I miss my best friend, my everything.

Comment by Ruthie on September 23, 2016 at 11:16am

I realized yesterday, as I had to call in sick, that I miss him more and the pain is getting greater in time (8.5 months).  Yes, I too, say to myself, each day, Hey I am one day closer to being with Kevin, but I am 49--I just hope I go soon, only my daughter keeps me here.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on September 22, 2016 at 9:58pm

Barbara, you said going through each day makes it closer to being with your husband.I know what you mean the intensity of the crying gets so bad I don't know if I can go on.It seems we all go through similar situations and I guess thats what makes this site so helpful. God bless you.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on September 22, 2016 at 9:17pm

Hi everyone, somehow I couldn't get on line with you all. but now I guess the computer resolved it self.Oct 4th my husband will be gone 6 months.I feel worse now than I did before.Everyone says it takes time.I realize now personally I didn't have enough time with my best friend.We did every thing together and had lots of fun.I miss him terribly.

Comment by Robin Quinn on September 22, 2016 at 7:35am

Just passed the 8 month mark of losing my soulmate.  Still cry almost every day.  It doesn't get easier, as the memories come, it hurts worse and worse to remember how we loved each other.  Prayers for everyone on here as we go through life without our life.

Comment by Mary on September 22, 2016 at 6:38am

Trina - sending a hug to you. That was huge what you did. It took a lot out of you so I understand feeling drained. My husband has been gone 5 months - he was the love of my life. I can't do what you did. I try to clear out a few things but then I put them back. I can't accept that he is gone. It must hAve been so hard for you to sell your house also. Take time to recover. Hugs

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 21, 2016 at 11:33pm

Hi All,

I haven't posted here for about two months even though once in a while I read the latest posts. The reason that I was not participating is that I faced another very difficult situation--- not even close to losing a beloved spouse--but it was pretty rough. I sold our dream house last month. Selling the house was saying a final goodbye to Joseph's memories in the house that we both loved. Selling the house meant that I had to part with 90-95% of Joseph's belongings. I either sold or donated his clothes, shoes, CDs, videos, cameras, music equipment, and hundreds of miscellaneous big and small things that Joseph owned and used. Only his books were saved: he had willed them to his nephew who came from Seattle and took them.

All the while I was giving away or selling Joseph's earthly possessions I found myself asking for his forgiveness at having to give his things away. Intellectually I knew that his things, especially his clothes and shoes, were going to needy people, and that it's a good outcome to a sad reality, but emotionally it was one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life. I am glad that I am done with that phase. I'll never have to do this again. There will be other difficult things over the course of my life that I will have to face, but not this. It has left me emotionally and physically drained and bereft.

Hugs, Trina

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