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Comment by Karen R. on May 9, 2013 at 10:23pm

Hey Celena , So sorry for your pain. What you said about this pain being so deep beyond anyone's imagination is so true. This pain makes not only makes us emotionally sick but physically as well, its like my heart literally aches and I feel like I've had a headache since 2009 when my son passed away, I still feel 'stuck' in that day, Oct 16, 2009. I still hate typing it, writing it, saying it or even thinking it....that my son actually passed away, I don't see how I will ever be able to accept and still don't know why I have to. I am so angry, I just want my son back, I want this all to be some kind of horrible mistake, I want it fixed!!! It's so difficult for me to share my true thoughts and feelings with any of the "lay people" so to speak, you know, the people that have not had to bury their child. I am glad that I have the support on this site but yet sad that such a site even exists. Sending you  hugs.

Comment by Karen R. on May 9, 2013 at 3:14pm

Hi Linda, thanks for sharing.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on May 9, 2013 at 12:53pm

I just wanted to send prayers and hugs to all! Been a rough week.

Comment by linda hernandez on May 9, 2013 at 12:30pm

Longing and loneliness is a set of feelings common among bereaved parents. We suffered a great loss and feel that perhaps we should be feeling better and the loneliness can still haunt us. 

What can make dealing with loneliness so very isolating is that putting our feelings into words is hard. We want to define our pain in the hope that, through definition, some meaning might develop and help make sense out of why things happen the way they do. That is why grieving is so very individualized. But how do we explain the feeling of missing? How do we describe what no longer exists? 

There are good reasons why we have the feeling of loneliness more now than before. Our friends and some family members have returned to the routines of their lives. The telephone rings less frequently. At work, where recovery from broken-heartedness is expected to progress according to a time sheet, and life goes on. 

We want to progress through the longing, through the loneliness, to arrive at a place where the memory of our child is not emotionally disabling to us. It is not that we wait, frozen in isolation, before moving on. It is rather that we move through the longing, taking cherished memories with us, and go forward. 

To move through an agonizing time with growth in your healing is a painful process. Loneliness is painful too. Growth, though, holds more promise than longing. 

The encouraging thing about understanding our grief is that the experience of longing for your child can be as much about the future as it is about the past. This is what it means to live through the loneliness, to be able to endure while feeling the longing and at the same time move forward. 

Movement unfolds knowledge. You will find that knowing through or going through the loneliness will develop new insights. These include a deepening appreciation of your child and a fuller understanding of what it means to honor their life by how you live yours. 

The future may be frightening to us now; it is unknown and beyond our control. But the future may also hold better things than we can now imagine, always with the love and memories of the gifts of our children.

Comment by Karen R. on May 8, 2013 at 9:12pm

Hi Ammy, thanks for asking, that's so nice of you. Its very grueling, these depositions may go on til late August but I don't care, I will NEVER stop.

Comment by Karen R. on May 8, 2013 at 9:09pm

So sorry B. Milt :(

Comment by Bern on May 8, 2013 at 7:58pm

The anxiety is so bad...I wait it out but it is hard. I had to face it when someone mentioned my handsome son. They could not believe he was gone. All I could say....I still can believe it either. He is 20 and it has been 7 months..I still listen for his truck. I wait for a text. I just sit and wait.

Comment by Michelle H on May 8, 2013 at 6:11pm

We all share the experience of grief and pain, so in my belief, it helps to know we're not alone. I look forward to reading each new post and feel disappointed when it's a long time between them.

Comment by Ammy on May 8, 2013 at 5:21pm

Karen, how are things going with your son's case?  I hope you will get some justice for your son and yourself.

You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.  Hugs. ❤

Comment by Ammy on May 8, 2013 at 5:17pm

I hear each one of you.  What a mixture of emotions we live.

I try to figure this grief stuff out, and sometimes I think I have it under control, but it always returns full blown.  If it's any consolation, I do go through periods of okay days for which I am very grateful.  I have never gone a day without thinking of my son several times during the day, but some days I do okay with it.

This week has brought me back almost to the beginning with the emotions and crying spells.  Who knows what triggers it.  I have learned to just go through it and wait for some relief again.

I think our living/family circumstances can also play a part in our grieving process.  As time goes on, if there is harmony in the home it may not be as devastating all the time.  

I'm no professional.  These are just some of my personal thoughts.

I pray you all will have some peaceful days.  Hugs to all.

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