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Comment by Jane P on January 21, 2014 at 6:42pm

There is no group for bereaved parents where I live.

Our local funeral home tried but the parents chose not to participate.

I saw our funeral home grief counsellor three times. He forgot me, he double booked me and he yawned.

Then I hired a private therapist who decided I needed more "intense" therapy than she could provide me with.

I have not looked for help since.

I am just beginning my second year.

I do wonder how much longer I can do this.

Comment by Connie K on January 21, 2014 at 6:12pm

Thank you for sharing that Ammy. That's so interesting! I will always hear that song with new meaning. I also love readings the words of Paramahansa and Paramananda among others. The ideas they share and represent have been helpful to me in dealing with this grief.

Davi _ I am glad you choose to go to the gravesite and bring balloons. I know your angel boy was smiling down on you and you could feel his love. I'm lighting the candles now as I'm on the West Coast.

Sending prayers and hugs to everyone

Comment by Ammy on January 21, 2014 at 5:42pm

I'd like to share something that gave me a sense of comfort today.  It's strange how certain things on certain days can do that and then on another day you feel nothing, but maybe it will speak to one of you also.  I would have put it in the discussions, but no one seems to join in there.

I came across something written by Gary Wright back in the 70's about a song he wrote so I looked into it more.  

This is part of what he wrote about the song:
Dream Weaver by Gary Wright

During the early '70s while reading more of the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda, I came across a poem called God! God! God!. One of the lines in the poem referred to the idea of the mind weaving dreams and the thought immediately occurred to me, weaver of dreams... Dream Weaver. I wrote it down in my journal of song titles and forgot about it. Several months passed, and one weekend, while in the English countryside, I picked up my journal and came across the title 'Dream Weaver.' Feeling inspired, I picked up my acoustic guitar and began writing. The song was finished in an hour. The lyrics and music seemed to have flowed out of me as if written by an unseen source. After the record was released and became successful many people asked me what the song meant. I really wasn't sure myself and would answer 'it was about a kind of fantasy experience... a Dream Weaver train taking you through the cosmos.' But I was never satisfied with that explanation, and as years went by I began to reflect on what the song actually meant and then it came to me: 'Dream Weaver, I believe you can get me through the night...' was a song about someone with infinite compassion and love carrying us through the night of our trials and suffering. None other than God Himself."

This is the poem he referred to in the writing:

God God God
From the depth of slumber,
As I ascend the spiral stairway of wakefulness,
I whisper
God, God, God!
Thou art the food and when I break my fast
Of nightly separation from Thee
I taste thee and mentally say
God, God, God!
No matter where I go, the spotlight of my mind
Ever keeps turning on Thee;
And in the battle dim of activity my silent war cry
Is ever;
God, God, God!
When boisterous storms of trials shriek
And worries howl at me,
I drown their noises, loudly chanting
God, God, God!
When my mind weaves dreams
With treads of memories,
Then on that magic cloth I do emboss;
God, God, God!
Ever night, in time of deepest sleep,
My peace dreams and calls; Joy! Joy! Joy!
And my Joy comes singing evermore;
God, God, God!
In waking, eating, working, dreaming, sleeping,
Serving, meditating, chanting, divinely loving,
My soul constantly hums, unheard by any;
God, God, God!

And this is the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGetpLlufrc

Comment by Ammy on January 21, 2014 at 5:33pm

Thinking of you, Davi.  Hope you felt him with you.  (((Hugs)))

Comment by anne on January 21, 2014 at 4:47pm

Peace to you and your family today, and every day Davi.

Comment by Davi Burford on January 21, 2014 at 4:31pm

Oh Vasanthi that is beautiful thank you we are heading out to put balloons at his site now. Thank you everyone today for the extra prayers and hugs

Comment by Debi M on January 21, 2014 at 4:16pm

I just can't imagine living with this pain the rest of my life. But that is what we all have to do, isn't it? Daily I try to focus on something good - seek some joy, and I swear, I am taken back to that awful day in August all over again. Trying to figure our lives out now, Jane, is important. Our lives have meaning and we must live them. We are all here for you. We all feel the pain and we all support each other here.

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 21, 2014 at 4:10pm

Much love to you Davi and your family

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 21, 2014 at 4:04pm

Davi, specially for you today.. your son is always with you. love.

Comment by Davi Burford on January 21, 2014 at 1:50pm

Thank you Connie for the lighting of the candle. I have decided that we will go and put some balloons at the graveside and also release some with notes if the kids want to. I was debating with myself all morning if I should could or whatever go out there I have not been since the burial. I don't want to be a blubbering mess in front of the kids again but I am sure its going to happen. Hugs to everyone, this site (& those who have found their way here) is on my prayer list

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