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Comment by michael sandoval on November 14, 2011 at 7:03pm

Hey Everybody,

It's been over two years for me since I lost my Denise and the pain still hurts so much,  I just started a new job selling workout videos and one of the ones is HIP HOP ABs and Denise had bought it and was trying to lose weight with it.  She would say, "i'm gonna do my HIP HOP Abs, okay?"  and i'd say, that's great Baby.  she wanted to lose weight and she was, when I met her she was 340 pounds and she lost 100 pounds in the year we were together.  we would go for walks and hikes all the time.  she was so excited to get down under 300 and then under 280 and then down to 260 when we went to india she was wearing clothes she bought but never wore because she got too big too quick.  So at work when we were learning about the videos I saw HIP HOP abs  was one we sold, I completely lost it and started crying.  It was like the flood gates opened and all my tears came out.

Oh baby I miss you so much.

 

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 14, 2011 at 4:14pm

Jeanne, Thank you so much for your kind words. good luck on your move!

Hugs to you

Melissa

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on November 14, 2011 at 11:48am

Dear Jeanne -

Thank you so much for your post.  Your Harry's birthday coming at the holiday's must be very difficult; especially the anniversary of his death right before Christmas.  My thoughts and my heart are with you.  Yes, we do seem to have a lot in common.  My house comes off the market tomorrow; I'd rather stay here a while longer and try again next Spring - who knows; maybe the market will improve.  My feels about it are mixed; we raised our children in this house, we made a life together  before we moved here, but most of it was here.  But, it's just a house, and I long ago decided that things are just things.  As you said, I have my memories, my photos and Don will always be with me, no matter where I am, he will know and that's what really matters to me.  

Last year (Don died Nov.12 - have I said that enough???) my daughter and her then fiancee came here from NY for the holidays; we didn't "do" Christmas, because we all agreed we didn't want to, but one day I got up from a nap and my daughter and her boyfriend had found some light and small ornaments and draped it around the mantle; it was actually a nice thing to do, and the lights gave the house some warmth.  I feels very blessed that I can openly cry in front of my daughters if I have to.  But that as then, and this is  now. I don't miss him any less, but the hurt, while it's still there, isn't quite as deep.  But the littlest things will set me off still.  So I just kind of keep going1  One foot in front of the other... somehow I seem to remain standing.

I hope you have a nice place that you are planning to move to.  And, yes, Harry will always be with you.  And again, thank you so much for your words and thoughts.  

Comment by Jeanne Potter on November 14, 2011 at 10:19am

Hi Cynthia, you and I seem to have a lot in common right now with all that is going on in our lives. I have had my house up for sale since June and just when I thought I would take it off for the winter the people that originally wanted it and could not get it now can. So they want a Dec. 15th closing. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be moving in less than a month. You see Harry's birthday is Nov. 21st and it will be a year that he passed on dec. 22nd. I am having real distress about all of this and the timing. What I have concluded though if it might help you, is that all the memories I have here in the last 25 years are in my heart and in my pictures and films. The house may be gone but you will never forget. I also feel that maybe the timing is not by chance but he is telling me it is ok to start somewhere again. It was what our plan was and he did not live long enough to live it but would want me to, I am sure of that. I know when the day comes that I have to leave it will be very hard, but I know if he was moving with me it would be anyway. I know he will be moving with me and is always close by. I am recovering from my vacation accident in SF in Sept. I am out of the wheelchair and walker and have advanced to a cane. It will take a long time to heal but seems everything is a challange these days. What doesn't kill you will just make you stronger.

To all of you that are going through this pain of lose my heart goes out to you. This is a very hard time of year as well. Please try to remember the good times with your loved ones and don't dwell on the what ifs and did I do the right thing. You all have done everything you could have and shouldn't waste a second thinking otherwise. I feel peace in knowing that Harry and I did everything we could together during his illness and never dwelled on it. We just LIVED like there was no tomorrow, and of course we knew at some point there wasn't. We all need to honor our loved ones by continuing our lives as best we can and live everyday to the fullest. It is really hard to be happy, but little by little it will start to get better. No one knows why things happen as they do but we need to just work through them the best we can.

Happy Holidays to all of you out there and may you all find some peace this holiday season.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on November 14, 2011 at 10:13am

hey mercy, wanted to say hi....i had my first breakdown about my mom yesterday, it just flooded me and the tears and sorrow just came and came, it was good for me, but i miss her so bad....i have a new man in my life, sent from God I believe, and im so glad to have him.....love, Rachel

Comment by mercy on November 14, 2011 at 9:45am

Hi Cynthia; I was saying I'm happy you have a showing, these days even getting a showing is hard. I know you've been talking about wanting to sell the house for a while. Hope it all works out for you dear.

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 13, 2011 at 4:49pm

Mercy, I'm not sure why I am so emotional this weekend, but it seems like one of those I can't shake. Maybe it's the oncoming holidays, maybe it's because the Bears are beating the Lions. I just know that I miss him more than anything else. I do know, in my head that It was God's will. In my heart I just want to know why? Why us, why Jon?

Comment by Jackie on November 13, 2011 at 4:26pm

I'm sorry we are all going through this. Cancer is awful. My husband passed away 9-months ago from colon cancer and I keep thinking things will get better soon, but not so far. I get tired of being so emotional and crying for no reason. I feel like a weak person. I'm not looking forward to the holidays. I'm afraid I will be a mess and I don't want to be that way. I keep praying that my heart will heal.

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 13, 2011 at 3:42pm

My mother loved to cook..She spent her time cooking alot during her life..She loved caring for people..Any time I was sick she would rush up to my house and take care of me and help me with my kids. So when she was ill I did my best to take care of her. When we found out about the colon cancer I knew my mom was going to die..the survival rate for colon cancer was 7 to 10 yrs. but we just found out to late. So I didn't even have time to process she was ill long till they told us she had 3 weeks to live..but she made it 1 month 4 days :P on you doctors..She fought to live to the very last moment.. I couldn't do anything when she slipped away. I also love to cook I took that after my mom :) But when I'm in the kitchen cooking I think her her and I cry alot. My family never been good at expressing their feelings we hide them from each other. I don't think my brothers are grieving for her. I think they are pushing those feelings down..That's not good but we all deal with things differently. I'm different though I hate crying but I can't stop myself. I have cried so much in the last 7 months...But I know it is helping me get it out..so if I have to do it privately so be it.  I sometimes wonder what would of happened if we had found out sooner would it have been better. my moms cancer was so aggressive it spread so quickly in just the 2 months we knew..It was to late and I think that's what bothers me most we didn't do anything..There was nothing we could do..they wanted to hit my mom with a bunch of radiation but told us it probably wouldn't do any good.. SO my mom said whats the point I really can't blame her. I never once told her to get the treatments I didn't know what to do. But I didn't want to push her...to do something she didn't want to go through. I hope she knows I didn't want her to die..But I wasn't going to hold on to her and tell her no..because I didn't want  to prolong her suffering. So we all told her it was ok and we would be fine..I lied to her :(

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on November 13, 2011 at 3:24pm

Thank you, Mercy.  I'm  not sure what there is to be happy for... but thank you; maybe that I'm finally to feel less of the pain?  If the house doesn't feel this weekend, I'm taking it off the market on the 15th.  It's been up since August; around here, it will just lose value the longer it's listed.  But I am thinking of going to Flagstaff for an extended "vacation" to see what it's like in the winter... then I'll decide what I want to do.  But thanks.

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